I like my life very much and firmly believe that I made the choices that I made because they were the right choices to make at the time. I love the quote from Maya Agelou – You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better… you did better!

With that caveat; here’s what I wish I knew then:

1) Lovers are not expendable and the right one may not come along. If you have a person that you love, do what you can to hold on to him. If you want to find a person to love, do what it takes. You may meet someone on-line, you may meet someone through friends, you may or may not be looking. There is no shame in putting value on a love relationship and doing whatever you can to bring that to fruition. If you want love, seek it, value it, don’t be afraid to consider another’s feelings and goals when planning your life.

2) College really is the best time of your life, you really will have those friends forever. Live in the dorms for a year or two, even if you’ve heard the cool kids don’t. Go to parties when you’re invited, throw parties when you can. DO NOT drink and drive.

3) When you’re starting out in your career, network network network. Yes you want to impress the boss, but the other assistant/receptionist/mailroom clerks/jr. execs – they are your peers. They will grow in business as you do, they will take other jobs in other places and meet other people and your network will grow. Keep in touch, meet for drinks, do favors when you can. In your twenties interviews will get you the job, later it will be who you know that gets you in the door.

4) Get your money. I don’t steal and I don’t play the lottery, so if someone wants to give me free money – I take it. Sign up for the maximum matched amount for your company 401(k), participate in optional stock participation plans, fund your IRA or Roth IRA to the max EVERY year.

5) set up a budget and stick to it. Include savings, include networking activities, include the quarters for the laundry. Don’t let oil changes and brake jobs catch you by surprise. In your twenties you may need to spend $20 building relationships at a bar and eat ramen noodles at home. It’s okay – you’re in your twenties. If it bothers you, learn to cook. In fact, learn to cook anyway, you’ll eat better and you can host dinner parties in your tiny apartment instead of meeting friends out.

6) Love your body and take care of it. Don’t worry if your hips are wider than a covergirls or your legs are flabby or your arms are too round. 20 years from now you will look at photos and see how lovely you were. Realize that now. You can spend a lot of time hating your body and not one second of it will ever bring about positive change. Love your body and take care of it… eat your fruits and veggies, exercise every day, get lots of sleep – even if it never results in one pound of weight loss. It’s good for you and will positively impact your life.

7) Don’t make life-changing decisions in the aftermath of tragedy. Mom dies, don’t quit the job that will lead to the career that you’ve been building just because you ‘need a change’ – paint the apartment instead. Seriously. Life-changing events send you reeling and big decisions are best made when you can keep your emotions in check. Emotions are important, but they shouldn’t drive all your decisions.
Build positive routines now while you’re young – do the dishes every night before you go to bed, do a load of laundry twice a week, pay bills every Wednesday, throw out junk mail every day, clean the bathroom every Monday, wash the car once a month, make the bed every morning, hang up your clothes at the end of the day… seriously. Routines can keep your life moving smoothly and ensure that you are prepared to act spontaneously. You can invite a neighbor in for a beer at the end of the day, you can move in a month, you can have your old college roommate crash on the futon when s/he moves to town and is looking for a place.

Hope this helps. I’ve learned these lessons the hard way, hopefully some of you youngsters can benefit from it now.

1)Don’t take on too much credit but don’t avoid it altogether. Learn HOW CREDIT WORKS and invest in a quarterly credit reporting program. It shows so much more than a credit score or credit cards. Know how to read all of the sections. You’d be amazed how once you understand it, it will be like reading a timeline of your adult life. Which is what insurance agents, employers, mortgage companies, potential spouses (yes, people can pay to view your general credit report and I know men and women who do this to screen potential dates!!!) do when they review it and decide if your worthy for a job, insurance, financial backing or a date. Being a successful college educated woman will also make you a great target for ID Theft especially if you’re not checking it for false information on yourself. I repeat know your entire credit report.

2) Believe in a higher entity (Judea-Christianity, Buddhism, Humanism, Agnosticism, Hinduism, WHATEVERism). Pray, meditate, journal, yoga, whatever practice you need to “tune in” to this higher source. Self confidence is fine and dandy but you will truly stand when you have confidence in something way greater than you, your role models, your family and friends as you go through the mundane of daily life. For the daily and mundane practices connected with something higher will keep you rooted when things get really bad (and they will) AND (when things go really well (and they will).

3)Take care of your body. Not just for swimsuit season or size (fill in the blank) jeans. . . . for your LIFE. Your body is the tool you use to move through this world and complete your task on this earth. Get sleep, drink water, exercise, eat food on the outer perimeter of the grocery stores and avoid processed food, tobacco and alcohol in excess. You can and will avoid a large majority of health problems later in life by doing this. Those girls who “experienced life” high on caffeine, nicotine, the next sex partner or heartbreaker well don’t look so cute anymore in their 30’s and 40’s and up.

4) Know what you want and what you don’t want at any moment BUT remember you don’t need anyone’s permission to change your mind about what you want and what you don’t want either.

5)Have passion about something. There is a saying that the devil has a especially hot place in hell not for the murderers or the thieves but for the apathetic. Don’t just suck up air, take action.

6)Keep your friends close and your enemies closer……well your essence is your best friend and your ego is your worst enemy. Keep it in check at all times.

7) This too shall pass…..this too shall pass…..remember this phrase……..this too shall pass…this too shall pass…

8)Do what you’re supposed to do, when you’re supposed to do it, how your supposed to do it.

9) live in the moment, love in the moment, do in the moment

10) I forgive you.

whew……..girl Happy 34! I love you now and until the day
I die!

You’ve already got some great responses here. Much of what I have to say is along the same lines.

1. Floss every day. Maintenance issues will creep up on you sooner or later.

2. Exercise every day. They are not effing kidding about your metabolism slowing down! Maintenance issues will creep up on you sooner or later.

3. The furniture you buy will be in your life a LOT longer than you think. Save up and buy something nice, whether new or used.

4. Friends and family, and your relationships with people generally, are the most important aspect of your life. They will be the source of your best times and your support network when things get rough. Don’t neglect them for anything or anyone else.

5. Chase your dreams now, not later. Travel now, not later.

6. As Mark Twain once said, “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” You are in charge of the furniture in your head. It will be with you a lot longer than you think. Choose and arrange it wisely.

Miss M, another 30-something here…I just turned 33 last week.

Here is what I would tell my 20-something self:

Wait until AFTER college to get a credit card.

Don’t waste almost all 4 years of college dating a guy you won’t marry. You’ll learn a lot, but it doesn’t cancel out the opportunities you lost.

Post-breakup, travel and have fun more and worry about finding a guy LESS. You won’t be single forever–it just seems that way. Most of those guys you like are total tools and are not deserving of 5 minutes of your pining away over them, let alone the hours you put into it.

Don’t waste time on the dating websites. You’ll meet your guy at a party, through mutual friends and acquaintances, the old-fashioned way.

Stick to your Southern guns and don’t EVER call or chase a guy. The few times you do will be some of your lowest points as a single girl.

Move to NYC like you always dreamed of doing. (I know, ex-Escape Brooklyn…I still wish I had done it for a year or two.)

Don’t let controlling family members hurt you or keep you from living your life.

Be grateful for the TRUE friends that you have (and they are fewer than you think). Don’t lose touch with them, if you can help it. Don’t think you’re too cool for certain ones now.

Here are a few things I’m glad I did:

Even though it wasn’t NYC, I did move to another city and it has been very good for me professionally and personally. I can’t imagine not doing the work that I do and especially not knowing BF and the friends I’ve made here…and so that was the right thing to do. I’m glad that I stuck it out when things were rough, too.

I didn’t marry my college boyfriend (see above). He was (and still is) a functioning alcoholic and who knows what our life would have turned out like.

Even though I had to work full-time all through college–my choice–(while going to school full-time), I have to disagree with those who said ‘live at home and save money’. Maybe so if you’re going to live in a dorm, but I lived in apartments and houses with roommates and had some of the best times of my life. Plus, I loved being on my ‘own’ and turning into an adult. No amt of money saved would be worth giving up some of the experiences I had! And if I had stayed at home with my controlling father–forget it.

I majored in English.

spend more time with your grandparents. video tape them, get their stories. Soon they won’t be around to do that with. and you will miss them every. single. day.

It is totally ok to fail, but it is NOT ok to not do your best because you are afraid that you will try your hardest and still fail. that’s dumb.

You know that guy that makes you feel amazing and would do anything for? And how he obviously feels the same way? He’s sooooo not just a friend, so don’t go after the ‘hot’ guy instead of him. Oof, tough lesson.

stop staying in jobs and relationships just because you hate change!!!! It is so much worse when you wait for things to fall apart slowly compared to when you take charge and make the change when you KNOW things are not working.

likewise, you have a strong gut. stop ignoring the thing and rationalizing your feelings!! You will know when you are unhappy, and it’s your job to then make changes.

visit, email, call your friends more, and don’t ignore them when you have a significant other. they are the ones that will be there when things fall apart.

It is ok to ask for help. Therapy isn’t a bad word.

Now my challenge is to listen to myself so that I don’t have the same advice for myself when i’m 40!

I would tell my former self that being premed is not working just drop it. It is okay if you were not meant to be a doctor. If your heart is telling you to be a Spanish major and travel, just do it. It is not going to lead you to the path of doom not being a science major.

Follow your gut instincts

Dont listen to people who are giving you bad financial advice

Be more confident in your abilities. You are smart! You didnt get into this school because you were a dummy.

Friends will not always look out for your best interest. They are too self absorbed to even be useful sometimes.

Stay away from credit cards. No one told me anything about credit cards so I learned the hard way.

If a guy is making you feel bad about yourself or bugging you, leave him alone.

Save just a little more from your office job between degrees- you worked for a company that ran private pension plans but did you get one? no.

Less shoes, more travel- you were in Europe- there are cheap flights everywhere, soon you will be on another continent (who knew?!) and you will end up giving more than half your shoes to your friends before you move!

Stay away from those men named Andy- your friends did warn you after the first 2 but you failed to heed their advice.

Exercise more- you will fall in love with an avid hiker and boy will you struggle to keep up!

It’s your body, if you aren’t sure the doctor is right see someone else the next day not three months later!

Go travelling with B, or at least visit her on her trip, such an awesome opportunity to have seen some of Africa.

To that end I think I’ll start saving for a trip to visit my friend in Japan next year- I’d hate for almost 40 year old me to tell me off for missing that opportunity!

ON LOVE: Oh, how I hated it when people would say “It’ll happen when you least expect it.” But that’s exactly what I found. I married my most incredible husband at the ripe old age of 36 and it was so totally worth the wait.

ON RELATIONSHIPS: Talk about money early and often with each other. Really. There’s a reason why money the #1 cause of fights/divorce. Break the mold… Get Financially Naked with each other (full disclosure, that’s also the name of my new book coming out in Jan 2010)

ON MONEY: The money you save early on is the most powerful money you’ll ever stash away. Listen to Wanda, live like Wanda, and you’ll be well on your way to financial nirvana.

ON CAREERS: Another cliche – “Do what you love and the money will follow…” I hated that one too, seemed so dreamy & unrealistic. But, yep, it’s turned out to be true too!

ON CHILDREN: Some of us ladies just don’t have a biological clock ticking away. If you, like me, feel you just weren’t meant to be a mom… don’t feel pressured, embrace it. Everyone is different. And that’s a good thing.

ON HEALTH: OhMyHeaven… yes, your metabolism really does slow down as you approach forty. So have fun and eat up in your 20s, because you’ll have to seriously tone it down as the years tick by

ON EDUCATION: Become an expert in something. Could be anything from the nuances of mutual fund investing to how to make the perfect chocolate truffle. Doesn’t matter what. Just find something you feel passionate about and keep on learning about it. The sense of satisfaction, self-confidence, and self-esteem that comes from having a skill that you continually hone is priceless.

I was in a similar situation. I had my daughter when I was nineteen and her father and I separated before she was a year old. I graduated from college at 26 and I am still struggling and renting at 28. Although my situation is less precarious now then it was when I was 25 (I was laid off and living in a horrible neighborhood with roommates) I am barely hanging on to my job right now due to mass layoffs at my company.

The thing is, dance lessons are nice, but not having them won’t matter to your daughter when she is older. Go for a walk in the evening with her, hug her and read to her at night. That is what she will remember. She will also know how strong you are, as you working your behind off to support her, go to school and putting food on the table. BE proud of yourself as you are accomplishing a lot. Keep going and working hard, eventually it will pay off.

you dont have to get married right now. if you love each other, you have the rest of your life to get married. go to college, save money, get rid of your debt, BOTH OF YOU.

then you wouldn’t be here at 25, barely finishing school, struggling in this crap economy to keep food on the table or RENTING. you could own your house and be putting your daughter through dance classes, saving for her college fund and taking her around the world. good luck, youre gonna need it.

- don’t be too lazy to write the paper on your research! The Westinghouse scholarship isn’t that unreachable!

-Don’t jump too fast into buying a house… especially the “perfect house” on a busy street in a not so nice area…

Finance wise -

- put all your earnings in a roth ira asap! You may not qualify for one when you want to do it.

To my 20 y.o self:

1. Go to a trade school or do what you love to do.
2. Work, save, and plan
3. You don’t need every Credit card out there
4. Don’t help your lazy ass boyfriend or make him authorized user on your cards.

To my 25 y.o self:

1. Work, save, and plan
2. Date as many men as you can
3. Move out on your own
4. Be prepared for little boys pretending to be men.

To my 30 y.o self:

1. If it too go to be true, it probably is
2. Be true to yourself
3. Work, save, and plan
4. Be aware of who you are dealing with
5. Take better care of yourself.

To my 35 y.o self:

1. You know he is full of shit
2. Move to Indy
3. Work, save, and plan
4. Date someone who has some sense and knows how to work, save, and plan.
5. You are worth more than what you think.

1. Put down the credit card application.
2. Drink less, excercise more.
3. If you can (no kids, pets, etc) travel, visit friends, jump on every opportunity.
4. Study abroad.
5. Stay in touch with important people from your past.
6. Don’t stay if it is not right. You’ll find the right person when you least expect it.
7. Go to graduate school.
8. Make all your payments on time – credit scores really do matter.
9. And the thing I did right? Move away – live in different places – take chances!

And, even though living alone is nice, save money and move in with roommates right after college.