When CB and I go out to dinner, we usually split the check. Other times, one of us would pick up the whole tab.
I’ve noticed something interesting – when we ask for the check, sometimes the waiter/waitress would place the check towards CB, clearly in his direction or by his arms (on the flip side, I’ve never received a check that was clearly in my direction – it’d be in the middle of the table).
Is the waiter subconsciously nodding to the traditional man-paying-for-dinner practice? Or maybe CB always sits towards outside of the table.
I’m not offended, just found it curious.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
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My boyfriend and I go through the same thing. You’re right, it never really seems like the servers “aim” the check at me one way or another… we’ve been together 2.5 yrs today and even today, I took care of lunch and he took care of dinner costs. Does this mean servers are pushing the “manly men, taking care of their women,” thing? I dont know, but I’m quite happy the way we’ve been doing it. PS – love the blog
best of all, lunch is always cheaper than dinner~
Yes, all the time. Sometimes, I try to tell my b/f that means he has to pay.
Happens all the time!
Most of the time it goes in the middle. I am married though so it doesn’t really matter.
When we dated one of us usually paid for the meal and then if we went to a bar or movies afterwards the other would pay.
This happens all the time and I live in Sweden, where we almost always splitting the bill/going dutch regardless of who you’re with and there is no tradition of the-man-paying-for-dinner. Strange.
Servers do aim the check. Frequently I am the asker because I am anxious to leave. Sometimes it comes to me because I asked, sometimes it goes to boyfriend, sometimes it sits in a no-man’s land on the table for one of us to grab it.
But what amuses me most of all is that when I’m out with someone younger who is male, it often goes to them. That cracks me up because I’m older and my better Korean nature makes me pick up the check! It’s not a date! It’s our lunch break from the office! lol
This happens to me, too, especially in higher end restaurants (which we only eat in while mystery shopping, which means I’m the one paying). Particularly in those higher end restaurants, I know for a fact that the servers are required to do this, as well as taking orders from women before men, and in relative age order (this is all part of the American Table Service standards, which also indicates how flatware is to be laid out, which side patrons are served from, where beverages go, and how you lay your flatware across your plate to indicate whether you are finished with your meal or simply taking a break).
I guess it’s technically a throwback to more traditional times, but it doesn’t bother me at all. At least they don’t still have different menus for women that don’t have prices printed in them! (At least, I’ve never seen them…)
This happens allll the time, not surprised to hear it.
When it does, and it happens to be my turn to pay, I make a point of giving the server my credit card, or paying with cash (handing it to the server) so that they know it’s not always the guy who pays.
This happens to my b/f and me a lot, or else the bill is placed in the middle of the table. I only get the bill directly if I ask for the check first.
It happens to us all the time.
Waiters/waitresses are told to always place the check to the boyfriends side of the table. I was a waiter right after high school and we were always told to place it in front of the guy, not the girl…
I used to be a server and I always gave it to the man because typically they tip better than women. I know that many women will disagree with this comment but statistically men do tip much better so if given the option, I would prefer that the man pay.
I am currently a server and have about 3 years waiting tables experience. For me, nobody told me to put it in front of the man, I don’t think men tip better than women, it’s just that I’d say the majority of the time, the man pays. It’s more rare to see a couple split the check or the woman pay. It generally just becomes habit. Honestly, I don’t think most servers put that much thought into it.
I’ve definitely noticed this as well, which is funny cause most times I’m paying! Of course any more it all comes out of the same account so who cares who handles the actual chore of paying the bill. I’m surprised to hear that men tip better in general, it’s always my women friends who tip better in my experience.
They always do that to me and my boyfriend. In fact, when I pick up the check (using a credit card with my name on it… clearly a female one) they still give the check back to him. Strange.
Let’s be honest. Our culture is programmed that the man provides. And I believe that waiters would tick off way too many people if they left it for the woman. I kinda like the tradition. If I am paying, it doesn’t offend me and if I don’t want to pay, then I am happy that it was inferred. I like to have the power and that is really how I see it.
This happens all the time with us. (We sometimes split, sometimes alternate paying.) I’m also more amused than offended. I find it particularly amusing when the boyfriend is handed back my cc and thanked as Mr. Mylastname.
That happens almost 90% of the time with me. Whenever I am out to dinner with my boyfriend, they bring the check to him and set it right by his hand. If I ask for the check, it will be set at the middle of the table. When I’m out to lunch, it typically goes to the male as well (boss, colleague, etc). When I’m out to lunch with a woman, it just goes to the oldest and most professional-looking woman. Maybe it’s just customary in the south?
I’m a long time server and I’ve always put the check in the middle of the table just to avoid the awkwardness of “who pays?” especially since some of the people I serve are out on a first date. Although everytime I’ve been out with a man the server always puts it right in front of the guy.
I’ve noticed that it often depends on who interacts with the staff more. If I am the one who says “table for two” to the host, and if I ask for the bill, it comes to me. Try it next time and see what happens.
Yes, this happens all the time. I make 2x what my boyfriend makes, so I usually pay. When a server puts the check near my boyfriend, I always tip them less because it bothers me.
I’ve had it happen, but then again, if I ask for the check assertively, and not just by affirming that we’re ready, they will often bring it to me instead. I think that they’ve figured out that that means that I’m paying. They recognize it more often when we’re in DC, probably because they’re more used to cues like that.
I always have the habit of asking for the check so they always bring it to me. It’s funny because I haven’t noticed this before, I’ll certainly be more mindful of it in the future.
I really enjoy reading your blog! I always learn something new.