Let’s take a hypothetical situation. Let’s say that you are good long-time friends with “Sammy” (that’s a nice, unisex name, right?)
Now, one day, a few months ago, you and Sammy had a lunch date at a small neighborhood bistro. You have agreed to split the bill. But before you started ordering, Sammy realized that he/she didn’t have any money – the wallet was left at home. Although you generally avoid lending money to friends, you couldn’t very well tell Sammy to starve while you ate! So you paid for Sammy’s tab (~$20) and Sammy told you he/she will repay you when you get together the week after.
Well, you were supposed to get together a few times, but Sammy got really busy with work and school, and now finals time is coming up, and so the second lunch never materialized.
You realize that (1) Sammy is a good and upstanding person who would never try to take advantage of you, (2) Sammy has never borrowed money from you before, (3) right now is a very busy time for Sammy and this issue probably just slipped Sammy’s mind, (4) it’s only $20 (i.e. not the end of the world) – you’d rather write it off than to create rifts in the friendship.
On the other hand, $20 is $20 is $20. You would like to be repaid for what was clearly a loan. You have gently reminded Sammy once a few weeks ago but Sammy couldn’t meet up with you. But again – on the grand scale of things, your friendship is far more valuable than $20.
What would you do?
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I would leave it and know that the favour would be returned at some point, and that I would most likely not lend her money at all in future, unless she comes good when her life is a little less busy. I'll be interested to read the other responses…
This situation reminds me of the movie "A Bronx Tale." In the film, the main character loans a small amount of money to someone in the neighborhood; this person subsequently begins avoiding him. At first he tries to get the money back, even chasing this guy down when he sees him, but his mentor tells him to let the money go, because that money was the price of getting that guy to leave him alone forever.
Now obviously this is a friend, and not someone you are looking to lose contact with, but I think the idea still applies. In this case, it will cost you $20 to keep your friend. If Sammy really is a good friend who brings a lot to your life, than it is well worth the cost. It is possible that Sammy still plans on paying you back, after all zi may just be going by the original terms of the agreement, i.e. paying you back when you two hang out again, but if I were you and I wanted to keep my friend, I would just consider it a gift and move on.
Only you can decide what it is worth to you. From your post, I must say, it sounds like you are at least a little angry about the situation and that you would rather have the money back. If, after thinking about everything, you still can't get over your anger (and your associated negative feelings about Sammy), then maybe you do want to ask for the money back as the friendship won't be the same anymore with you feeling negatively about things.
For right now, maybe just give Sammy a chance. Once finals are over (it is a very busy and stressful time) propose going out for a victory lunch. If zi agrees and doesn't pay you back, then you can decide how you feel about that, but for now I'd just wait.
$20, I would probably let go – but I'm a total pushover.
Once, I lent $300 to a friend who was in a bad spot. It took her over a year to pay me back, and I found myself judging every purchase she made in the meantime. "If she can buy _X_, why on earth can't she pay me back?!?" Luckily our friendship survived, but I don't think I'll jump at the chance to loan out such a large amount of money again.
Write it off as a cost of having a good friend. However, if it becomes habitual, it's time to rethink the friendship because you're getting taken advantage of.
At this point, I would just write it off. It is what it is.
I would let it go. Not worth the trouble. The only thing you could maybe do is to go out to lunch again and ask Sammy to pay since you paid for her last time. But that's still difficult to bring up.
Maybe I'm rude, but I would bring it up until I was repayed. It was clearly a loan and should be repaid!
The minute I paid the bill I would have let it go. It's not worth worrying about. I would be pleased if I got it back but then not put out if it doesn't. If its a friend it will come back around eventually.
Set up another lunch date with Sammy for after her finals and conveniently 'forget' my wallet. Or claim I forgot it, even though I have it in my purse.
Or just say: hey, since I picked up the tab last time, and you kind of owe me $20, how about you pick it up today?
If she's ignoring my calls or whatever, then i'll just let it go. Who needs a friend like that?
I wouldn’t think about it again. I would simply right it off as treating my friend to lunch. It’s only $20, and we all have forgetful friends.
I would let it go, it's $20. If one of my friends kept pestering me for the $20, I would feel really put off and feel as though they're telling me that my friendship isn't worth a lousy $20. Maybe consider it a "Sorry it's so stressful for you right now, I hope you feel better" gift?
What's Sammy's financial situation right now? If money was tight and I knew that I owed my friend a free meal, and she kept asking me to hang out, I would put it off until I was able to afford it. Maybe that's what's happening now?
I wouldn't bug Sammy about it, but I would mention it the next time I see them in an off-hand way.
I know what you mean. There is a girl that I work with that is always borrowing $5 to get lunch. She says that she will buy my lunch the next time. It never happens. How do I tell her that she will have to go hungry?
Just say you don't have cash on you…or remind her of the last time you gave her money for lunch and that she still owes you. That will make her stop.
You may have to tell her you just don't have the money right now. She doesn't need to know why, and she doesn't need to assume you're poor (or if she does assume you're poor, she doesn't need to know the reason for or duration of your newfound poverty). If I paid up every time some poor sad coworker asked me for money for lunch or vending machine snacks, I'd essentially be working for free. I don't carry cash on me, period. And if anyone asks, I let them know that. Usually they'll stop asking after a few times of being told "no."
Easily, the next time you go out to eat take only enough cash to cover your own meal, no debit or credit cards. Do this once and she will get the hint.
I have to admit I'm sensitive about stuff like this too, because I know if I ever borrowed money from a friend, it would be at the forefront of my mind – I would at least email or mention over the phone how I need to pay it back (and thank them again for lending it to me).
That said, it's a good friend and they've never borrowed money from you before. I would stay quiet about it until you finally are able to get together, then give them a chance to mention something… if they don't, I would approach it lightly, jokingly. If they don't get it, then I would just be blunt. Money is money. :p And it's not like they'll stop being friends with you for bringing it up (unless they're stupid).
Next time you have lunch, they'll have to treat you. 20 dollars isn't worth ruining a friendship over.
Forget about it. I don't keep score with my friends. If it started happening again and again I might say something, but for one occurrence my advice would be to let it go. Plus, I feel like it all evens out in the end.
I would think: "Poor Sammy, she is so busy. We'll let's be nice and send her a PayPal request since she can't meet with me thus pay me back in person!"
I would definitely go after the $20. If I am employed instead of being a student then if Sammy is a good friend then I would overlook the $20. Sammy can spot me sometime in the future.
hahaha. I don't even know if she has a PayPal.. probably don't have the guts / desire to rock the boat for going to that level though.
Since Sammy normally pays things back, and if this didn't become a habit, then I'd probably write it off–at most, I might mention it when Sammy's life slows down a little bit and we're able to meet for lunch again.
Pause, Pause, Pause! I can't believe so many people here would let $20 go. I wouldn't let $1 go. It's not just a question of money, it IS a question of money. If "Sammy" is your good friend, I'm sure he/she will not mind you being upfront about wanting and/or needing the money.
I'm speaking from experience as I'm usually the one of my friends that never brings cash. EVER. For the most part, I put everything on my card and then collect money from people. There was one day where two of us had only cards (no cash). My friend decided to take charge it and ask me to repay it. About 5 weeks went by before I paid her. What happened in the mean time? I had the money, but would spend it on other things. Or when I saw her, I would completely forget. And one time, I even mentioned it out loud, "I owe you money, but I don't have it right now." I let her know that I understood that I needed to repay her and that she didn't need to worry about not getting the money back from me.
What Erin said ^
Okay, so how does someone forget their wallet when they're clearly meeting someone for lunch? I hate it when people say that. It's just really annoying because they were planning on meeting you for lunch. How did they plan to pay for it? Was the lunch fairy going to wave her magic wand and it would be free? When they left the house that afternoon, did something feel amiss? Unless you're completely absent minded, I just don't see how you forget to bring an item that is vital to the purpose of the meeting.
I guess I've been in situation like this one.
Honestly, I would have done the same thing L.A. first mentioned. Maybe that will remind Sammy that he still owes me some money.
Then again, I can just let it go. And maybe next time, I can joke him into treating me lunch or dinner. Haha!
My friends were supposed to split the cost of groceries and then make dinner at my place (around $20 for the total grocery bill). In the end, I ended up paying, and decided that it wasn't worth it to ask for their $7 each. It was irritating at first, but then I decided I would have spent the same amount (at least) for a steak dinner out as I did to have a steak dinner in with friends.
But, on the other hand, I also reminded them that dinner was going to be at someone else's place the next time.
I would probably just drop it, if this person is truly a friend then $20 isn't worth losing them over.
Honestly, I'd let it go. Unless that's $20 you really need, in which case I'd remind Sammy just why you need it back.
I'd let the $20 slide in this circumstance, but I would definitely never lend that person money again.
p.s. I think Alex is a better unisex name
The friend is being disrespectful by not acknowledging they need to pay you back. You did them a favor and now they are acting entitled, rude. If "a friendship is worth more than $20" they shouldn't blow you off. They should be concerned about your feelings and want you know they care enough about you to not make you feel slighted.
I would never put a friend in a situation of having to ponder the value of our friendship. Instead I would let them know I was grateful for them covering me when I didn't have my wallet and be respectful by paying them back. If you blow it off, you'll might be bitter down the road.
This is conviently W and I all the time. The difference is, we see each other about three-four times a week. I would just keep asking about lunch. And then if lunch isin't returned in about two months, say Sammy, wheres my 20? It's a recession and a 20 is a 20 Sammy!
Can you tell I'm cheap?
It must be me because I have yet to meet someone who does not owe me somehow. Several times now, a friend and I would agree to meet for lunch and dinner and the friend either discover she doesn’t have money or they not enough. Last weekend, for example, I went out of my way to pick up a new friend to go shopping. We shopped mostly for her. Then she suggested we have lunch. And shouldn’t we also get dessert? When the bill came, I said ‘separate’ to the waitress because I have had enough of friends taking advantage of my generosity. My friend jumped in, “No, make it together. I don’t think I have enough”. Why the heck would she order more than she can pay? She throws in a third of her bill and said she’ll pay me later. Oh, and earlier, before the shopping began, we had coffee and when it was time to pay, she conveniently disappeared to check on the window display 3 doors down. This weekend, another new friend invited me to go hiking with her to a town 3 hours away. I agreed and I booked our rooms which we will pay separately. I should have known she expected me to drive. Why oh why? I pay for my parents, brothers, sisters, nephews, cousins, and of course my children. It’s not an exaggeration that I must have given out/loaned at least $30K over the years. This is no joke since I am a single parent of 3. It must be my mission on earth to pay for people’s way. Seems like people always expect me to take care of them.