Comments on: Friends and Borrowing Money

By: Elle

Elle — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 11:31:56 +0000

It must be me because I have yet to meet someone who does not owe me somehow. Several times now, a friend and I would agree to meet for lunch and dinner and the friend either discover she doesn’t have money or they not enough. Last weekend, for example, I went out of my way to pick up a new friend to go shopping. We shopped mostly for her. Then she suggested we have lunch. And shouldn’t we also get dessert? When the bill came, I said ‘separate’ to the waitress because I have had enough of friends taking advantage of my generosity. My friend jumped in, “No, make it together. I don’t think I have enough”. Why the heck would she order more than she can pay? She throws in a third of her bill and said she’ll pay me later. Oh, and earlier, before the shopping began, we had coffee and when it was time to pay, she conveniently disappeared to check on the window display 3 doors down. This weekend, another new friend invited me to go hiking with her to a town 3 hours away. I agreed and I booked our rooms which we will pay separately. I should have known she expected me to drive. Why oh why? I pay for my parents, brothers, sisters, nephews, cousins, and of course my children. It’s not an exaggeration that I must have given out/loaned at least $30K over the years. This is no joke since I am a single parent of 3. It must be my mission on earth to pay for people’s way. Seems like people always expect me to take care of them.

By: Carnival of Personal Finance #232 Thanksgiving Survival Edition

Carnival of Personal Finance #232 Thanksgiving Survival Edition — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:03:51 +0000

[...] from Well-Heeled, with a Mission presents Friends and Borrowing Money A simple question about a $20 loan sparks a lively [...]

By: Serendipity

Serendipity — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:41:19 +0000

This is conviently W and I all the time. The difference is, we see each other about three-four times a week. I would just keep asking about lunch. And then if lunch isin't returned in about two months, say Sammy, wheres my 20? It's a recession and a 20 is a 20 Sammy!

Can you tell I'm cheap?

By: Ashley

Ashley — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:48:26 +0000

The friend is being disrespectful by not acknowledging they need to pay you back. You did them a favor and now they are acting entitled, rude. If "a friendship is worth more than $20" they shouldn't blow you off. They should be concerned about your feelings and want you know they care enough about you to not make you feel slighted.

I would never put a friend in a situation of having to ponder the value of our friendship. Instead I would let them know I was grateful for them covering me when I didn't have my wallet and be respectful by paying them back. If you blow it off, you'll might be bitter down the road.

By: @SpendOnLife

@SpendOnLife — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:24:05 +0000

Easily, the next time you go out to eat take only enough cash to cover your own meal, no debit or credit cards. Do this once and she will get the hint.

By: PunchDebt

PunchDebt — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:43:57 +0000

I'd let the $20 slide in this circumstance, but I would definitely never lend that person money again.

p.s. I think Alex is a better unisex name

By: eemusings

eemusings — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:49:59 +0000

Honestly, I'd let it go. Unless that's $20 you really need, in which case I'd remind Sammy just why you need it back.

By: Miss M

Miss M — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:08:37 +0000

I would probably just drop it, if this person is truly a friend then $20 isn't worth losing them over.

By: Emma

Emma — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:59:11 +0000

My friends were supposed to split the cost of groceries and then make dinner at my place (around $20 for the total grocery bill). In the end, I ended up paying, and decided that it wasn't worth it to ask for their $7 each. It was irritating at first, but then I decided I would have spent the same amount (at least) for a steak dinner out as I did to have a steak dinner in with friends.

But, on the other hand, I also reminded them that dinner was going to be at someone else's place the next time.

By: Print Brochures

Print Brochures — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:34:32 +0000

I guess I've been in situation like this one.

Honestly, I would have done the same thing L.A. first mentioned. Maybe that will remind Sammy that he still owes me some money.

Then again, I can just let it go. And maybe next time, I can joke him into treating me lunch or dinner. Haha!

By: drub

drub — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:23:04 +0000

Okay, so how does someone forget their wallet when they're clearly meeting someone for lunch? I hate it when people say that. It's just really annoying because they were planning on meeting you for lunch. How did they plan to pay for it? Was the lunch fairy going to wave her magic wand and it would be free? When they left the house that afternoon, did something feel amiss? Unless you're completely absent minded, I just don't see how you forget to bring an item that is vital to the purpose of the meeting.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:26:35 +0000

You may have to tell her you just don't have the money right now. She doesn't need to know why, and she doesn't need to assume you're poor (or if she does assume you're poor, she doesn't need to know the reason for or duration of your newfound poverty). If I paid up every time some poor sad coworker asked me for money for lunch or vending machine snacks, I'd essentially be working for free. I don't carry cash on me, period. And if anyone asks, I let them know that. Usually they'll stop asking after a few times of being told "no."

By: Sim

Sim — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:19:29 +0000

What Erin said ^

By: WellHeeled

WellHeeled — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:04:08 +0000

hahaha. I don't even know if she has a PayPal.. probably don't have the guts / desire to rock the boat for going to that level though.

By: L.A. Daze

L.A. Daze — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:03:05 +0000

Just say you don't have cash on you…or remind her of the last time you gave her money for lunch and that she still owes you. That will make her stop.

By: Investing Newbie

Investing Newbie — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:45:30 +0000

Pause, Pause, Pause! I can't believe so many people here would let $20 go. I wouldn't let $1 go. It's not just a question of money, it IS a question of money. If "Sammy" is your good friend, I'm sure he/she will not mind you being upfront about wanting and/or needing the money.

I'm speaking from experience as I'm usually the one of my friends that never brings cash. EVER. For the most part, I put everything on my card and then collect money from people. There was one day where two of us had only cards (no cash). My friend decided to take charge it and ask me to repay it. About 5 weeks went by before I paid her. What happened in the mean time? I had the money, but would spend it on other things. Or when I saw her, I would completely forget. And one time, I even mentioned it out loud, "I owe you money, but I don't have it right now." I let her know that I understood that I needed to repay her and that she didn't need to worry about not getting the money back from me.

By: thisisbeth

thisisbeth — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:41:41 +0000

Since Sammy normally pays things back, and if this didn't become a habit, then I'd probably write it off–at most, I might mention it when Sammy's life slows down a little bit and we're able to meet for lunch again.

By: SeeJaneGetRich.com

SeeJaneGetRich.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:26:50 +0000

I would think: "Poor Sammy, she is so busy. We'll let's be nice and send her a PayPal request since she can't meet with me thus pay me back in person!"

I would definitely go after the $20. If I am employed instead of being a student then if Sammy is a good friend then I would overlook the $20. Sammy can spot me sometime in the future.