The Birthday-Christmas Combined Gift Dilemma

My birthday falls within a few weeks of Christmas, so for most of my childhood I’ve gotten a combined birthday-Christmas present (in high school, my parents started giving me monetary gifts).

XmasPresents1 300x106 The Birthday Christmas Combined Gift Dilemma

When CB and I got together, I told him that I wanted separate birthday and Christmas presents -  I love to have multiple boxes or bags to open. So, CB gives me separate presents, every year.

Great presents do not a great relationship make. But I think as in all interpersonal relationships, what gestures represent speaks volumes. People certainly shouldn’t go into debt for gift-giving or demand a case of champagne on a beer budget, but the thought behind presents matters and the effort put into selecting or making a present matters.

I don’t really care how much CB spends on my gifts (and the costs vary – one year, I got a pearl pendant. Another year, a sweatshirt), but the fact that he cares enough about giving me separate presents because they were important to me matters a whole lot.

So, to everyone whose birthdays fall closely to Christmas – do you get / want separate presents? I can’t be the only one who wants distinct presents for distinct occasions, right?

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  3. Christmas shopping

41 Responses to “The Birthday-Christmas Combined Gift Dilemma”

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  1. J. Money says:

    Hah! I hear ya – Im one day off from Xmas ;) Back in the day I usedto celebrate my bday in Nov so that friends would actually come to a party, but now I like having back to back celebrations. I’m always around family and get to be more low key like I now enjoy. I’ve always been lucky with the separate presents deal, but nowadays it doesn’t really matter as it’s the thought that counts as you mentioned :) Nice to see another Dec baby blogger out there!
    .-= J. Money´s last blog ..If you can’t pay for it, don’t buy it. =-.

  2. SS4BC says:

    My sister's birthday is the 20th of December. But I always make a point of getting her two separate gifts. I don't want her to feel like she is getting ripped because of when she happened to be born.

    My dad also tries to get her separate gifts, but this year he isn't because she asked for a laptop. So he said if she wanted a gift that was that expensive, it would be both her birthday and Christmas. (Actually, it works out BETTER for her, I haven't gotten a gift from my dad on my birthday in two years – and mine is in August – because her birthday is during the "gift giving season" he always remembers it!)

  3. L.A. Daze says:

    My birthday is January 2nd, so I usually get a combined gift. To be honest, this kind of sucks (unless it's a pricey item that will also be combined with V-day, but now that i'm single it doesn't matter). My parents usually end up giving me money and I don't expect gifts from my brothers.

    Another crappy thing is that my friends/family are usually traveling during this time so I spend my birthdays alone. I'm not the type to throw a party a few weeks before or after my birthday, so yeah. People just forget about it after all the festivities. Like it's an afterthought.

    Woah, I sound bitter! I'm not, I promise :)

  4. Jenn K says:

    My bday is on the 10th and my fiance's on the 27th we have both been a victim of the combo gift giving. Its nice to celebrate both separately no matter how close they are to each other.

  5. Lots of Sagittarius in the house! I'm December 8, but I was never gypped on gifts — always got two separate ones. If I wanted something "big," Christmas and b-day gift is combined. But most of the time, it's pulling teeth to get gift ideas out of me.

  6. Sunflowers says:

    I'm the same way – I like separate presents for separate occasions! My friends always combine them though (lucky them :p). But my parents and bf make sure I have separate presents (and celebrations), so I've never felt bitter. :)

  7. Single Ma says:

    I hate combined gifts because it makes me feel cheated! If I get you two separate gifts, I want two separate gifts too. Otherwise, I might conveniently…ahem…forget YOUR birthday. Hmph!

  8. Michele says:

    My husband's birthday is in early January, and when we first got together (right near the holidays), he mentioned that he'd always gotten combo gifts for Christmas and his birthday (and didn't like it), so I've always made a point of getting him separate gifts for these separate occasions.

    Our wedding took place this summer, two days after my birthday, and so far, I think I'd actually RATHER have a combo gift than two separate ones. We'll see how I feel once our first anniversary rolls around!

  9. Jen says:

    My brother's birthday is December 24th. As a kid, he liked the separate gifts thing and definitely no Christmas wrap or cards. Now, I think he will take what he can get.

  10. WellHeeled says:

    I totally get what you mean. I always felt like the 1 combo present never really makes up for not having 2 different presents. Besides, more boxes to unwrap = more fun!

  11. My birthday doesn't fall around Christmas but my boyfriend does. I know to him it's not important. But I try to make sure he has separate gifts so that he knows that I appreciate him and I'll always make an effort.

  12. Stephanie says:

    My birthday's Dec 14th and I've been very lucky in that my family always made sure there were separate presents mostly because my mom (whose birthday is the 13th) got combined presents when she was growing up. I think I'd hate getting combined and I agree with Single Ma above-my birthday and Christmas are separate just as my friends' birthdays and Christmas are separate and they ought to remember that!

  13. Carrie says:

    one of my best friends' birthday is on christmas. i make a special effort to get him two distinct gifts

  14. Kim says:

    My mom's birthday always falls during or near Chanukkah — every year she says she doesn't want ANYTHING, but we all know that she'll be sad if she doesn't get at least a little something for both her birthday and Chanukkah…

  15. jjj says:

    My mom's birthday is 1 week before Christmas and we have been forbidden from giving her combined gifts. They don't have to be big, just separate.

    On the other hand, my sister is giving me a combined birthday/Christmas present and my birthday is in July. I don't mind since she's spending a ton of time making it and it probably cost her two presents worth of money (we don't usually spend much on each other).

  16. Amanda says:

    My birthday is January 1st. My mom always made an extra special effort to have all the Christmas stuff away by the time my birthday came, so it could be its own special day. I really do expect 2 separate gifts, if I expect a gift at all (which is really only from my immediate family). I like what a previous commenter said about conveniently forgetting THEIR birthday ;) If it's a money thing, I totally understand since they're only a week apart. But at least get me a BIRTHDAY card, not a CHRISTMAS card!

  17. WellHeeled says:

    You tell 'em! LOL.

  18. Amy says:

    My husband's birthday is within a month of Christmas and I make sure he has separate gifts, although after Christmas, there's generally not much left that he wants or needs. His birthday present generally ends up being "doing" something such as a weekend or night away, a really nice meal and a movie, that sort of thing.

  19. Abigail says:

    Tim's birthday is 6 days before Christmas. And he was completely fed up with getting birthday/Christmas presents. When he gets something big, he's okay with combination gifts — like our first Christmas together, when his parents and I went in on an Xbox 360 for him. That was all they got him, and I got him a few small items. This year, I had gotten him a separate birthday gift, but he's now trying to quit smoking. So my birthday gift to him was letting him have his big Christmas gift (a PSP) early. That way, he has something to keep his hands busy.

    That said, his even bigger gripe was that he could never really celebrate his birthday well, because everyone was always going out of town for the holidays. Or were busy with family-related stuff. So each year, I try to make a fuss on his actual birthday. We go out and enjoy some birthday freebies and get him a slice from the Cheesecake Factory. It means the world to him (although we still have problems rallying people that close to the holidays), and in relationships it's about your partner's needs as much as your own. I'm glad CB is smart enough to realize that, too!

  20. WellHeeled says:

    That is super thoughtful of you. I'm sure he appreciates it.

  21. Amy says:

    My husbands birthday is the 22nd. I awlays make sure to get him seperate gifts even though he usually gets the better one on his birthday because I get to excited to keep a secret for a few more days. My closest friends growing up had birthdays on the 18th and 20th so I was aware how much combined gift sucked from growing uop with them. One has 8 siblings so there was never alot left for her birthday after Christmas for everyone else. In fact the only party of hers I remember is her Sweet Sixteen which she had at the begining of December.

  22. Man, I'm just happy I was born in April. Happy bday Well-Heeled.

  23. Bonnie says:

    A good friend's bday is December 1, and my mom's bday is December 15, and I ALWAYS get them separate cards and gifts for their birthdays. Would never dream of not acknowledging them because Christmas is close!

    One of BF's close friends' birthdays is on New Year's Eve. No one EVER remembers her birthday! (Except us, of course.) BF and I have issues in July–our birthdays are within 2 days of each other, and our anniversary is a week after our birthdays. So a lot of gift-buying is involved that month! Sometimes it seems silly to be celebrating our anniversary (and spending more money) a week after two birthdays, but…you can't not acknowledge these things!

    • WellHeeled says:

      Separate acknowledge for separate occasions – exactly! :) That just makes July a wonderful celebratory month for you and BF (it's also awesome because it's in the middle of the year… so something to get you through til Christmas time).

  24. Jayde M. says:

    My sister's bday is Dec. 27 and she always gets jipped. It also saddens her that since her bday is between 2 big holidays most people are busy with their families or out of town to celebrate with her. I always give her 2 separate gifts because I know how important it is to her to know that there is a distinction between her bday and christmas.

  25. Krystal says:

    My birthday is in October, our anniversary is Dec 1st, and then it's Christmas. My boyfriend makes sure to get me separate gifts for each occasion because I HATE doubling up. I have a good friend whose birthday is Dec 25th. She's just come to accept the fact that most people aren't going to get her 2 gifts.

  26. Onegirl says:

    My birthday is in May, so I never have to worry about not getting two gifts, but I always think about people who get engaged on Christmas. I think I would like two gifts. One to celebrate the future with my new husband, and one regular Christmas gift!

    You better tell CB that you want THREE gifts when it gets close to wedding time. :)

  27. I'm huge on birthdays so I always acknowledge them, even if it's shared w/a national holiday. I have several friends with December birthdays but we make it a point to make sure we celebrate their day. No holiday/birthday combining allowed in my world;-).

    ~Lydia

  28. OH! btw, I just added you to my blogroll and I just did a post introducing your blog. :)
    http://theasianpear.blogspot.com/2009/12/new-link…

  29. Tea says:

    My younger brother's bday is on Christmas. Every year we celebrate Jesus from midnight to 5 p.m., then we celebrate Josh from 5 p.m. to midnight.

    He really has it good because so many people come over for Christmas that they always remember to bring his extra gift or even better they just give him money. My birthday's in the spring. No good reason for random aunts, uncles and Godparents to come by in the spring.

    Great post!

  30. Perry Peck says:

    My kids birthday is comming in two days and we always try to pump it up and not get the two mixed up. So be the way of fate.

  31. Money Maus says:

    My birthday is exactly 2 weeks after Christmas and I've always received two gifts from my parents. We all still make Christmas lists, so more than likely if I don't get something from there on Christmas, it'll show up for my birthday! :)

  32. Karen says:

    Definitely separate presents. I dated a guy and have a friend whose birthdays were end of Dec and they both got separate presents that year. My friends and I don't exchange Christmas gifts (most of us are traveling) but we exchange birthday gifts when we're together.

  33. My girlfriend's birthday is on December 22nd, which is right after Chanukkah ends this year. My plan is to get her a variety of gifts, ranging from those that require expenditures of money (i.e., jewelry, dinner, flowers) to those that require less money but more time, care and thoughtfulness (i.e., scrapbook, seeing "It's a Wonderful Life," a walk in the park, etc.). In the end, I think the latter will be more memorable for her than the former :)

  34. Alice says:

    My immediate family has 3 birthdays between Dec 12 and Dec 31. All are celebrated separately. I understand because my siblings and I have a birthday within 3 days of each other and I remember hating the joined birthday celebration. We get all the December birthdays a separate gift and dinner out (the dinner out is a tradition for all family birthdays0 our family is really small).

  35. charles says:

    My bday is Dec 23 and I just found out I got a combined christmas gift this year from my bf. Whippy! Not a romantic move-I know I'm being a poor sport, but c'mon! Have some common sense people! My combined gift will probably have to wait to be opened until Christmas (I'm assuming since it's wrapped in Christmas paper). This means I have nothing to open on my bday. Yay! It's the same day he'll open his gift too (I got him something super nice!). It's just not going to make me feel very special, which is something I'm kind of used to. Every year I get a Christmas card from my parents and then they mention on the bottom of it, And Happy Birthday too. I usually get a check with Bday/Xmas written on the memo. I hate Christmas and my birthday sucks!!!!

    • 1223birthday says:

      My birthday is also on the 23rd and I completely agree. The holiday ruins my birthday every single year, which makes me hate Christmas more and more each year. I realize that "smile and fake it" goes a long way, and I do, but let's be honest, it still sucks.

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