Q&A with Manisha Thakor, Co-Author of Get Financially Naked, Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of the Q&A with Manisha Thakor, co-author with Sharon Kedar of the new book GET FINANCIALLY NAKED: how to talk money with your honey.

**Due to the length and detail of these answers, I’ll be breaking the Q&A into 5 parts, with 1 winner revealed at the end of each Q&A. Look for the subsequent parts to come in a few days. See here for Q&A Part 1.

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Red – How do you approach having serious financial discussions with a partner who is more concerned about “the now” than the future? My live-in boyfriend D is loathe to have financial discussions with me, though I have said many times that we should have a serious discussion about money and our goals.

When we have spoken (briefly) about opening savings accounts or retirement accounts, he says that planning for the future like that could be a waste of time. “What if you save up $50,000 and you die at 30?” is his common response.

I know other couples where one person has the responsibility of doing the saving while the other pays more living expenses to even things out, but I’d much rather know that we were both saving for retirement and putting money away for emergencies. How can I convince D that saving now will pay off later?

Manisha – Ahhh, welcome to the wonderful world of opposites attracting.  The root problem here is that you have a “future” orientation (as do I!) while your BF has a “now” orientation.  I suggest going to www.GetFinanciallyNaked.com and downloading two free exercises: (1) Your Money History, and (2) A Financial Compatibility Quiz. 

The first will help each of you understand what is is in your life to date that drives your future/now orientation.  Understanding what’s at the root of that is a key step in finding common ground.  The quiz will help you see how you two compare on three metrics around money: knowledge, interest, and behavior. 

Taken together (as we describe in our book, GET FINANCIALLY NAKED:  how to talk money with your honey) these two exercises can go a long way towards getting you both on the same page.

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SS4BC – How do you decide as a couple what an appropriate emergency fund is and who should contribute what % if the incomes aren’t equal?

Manisha – As a rough rule of thumb, 3 months is the minimum you’d want to aim for if both of you are working in steady, stable jobs.  If either of you is in an industry rife with downsizing, you want to increase that to 6 months. 

As for how to contribute, I’d argue that you should do so proportionally to your income. So if your combined household income is $100,000 – and one makes $60,000 and the other makes $40,000, the person making $60,000 should contribute 60% of your monthly savings target and the other person would contribute 40%.

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SavingDiva - When do you think is the proper time to start a financial conversation with your significant other?

Manisha – My coauthor & I like to say… if you are willing to take your close off with each other one way, you should be willing to take your clothes off financially as well.  This doesn’t mean on the 3rd date but it does mean that when you think this person is someone you could see yourself in a long-term committed relationship with, it’s time to start the dialogue.

At a minimum, before you move in together or get married its a must to have this dialogue if you really want to invest in your long-term future together.

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MissAlphaWrites – How do you bring up bad credit history to a long-term boyfriend without scaring him off?

Manisha – Straight up.  Think about how David Letterman handled his “transgressions.”  That’s the role model I’d use.  State it honestly, head-on, and emphasize that the reason you are doing this is precisely because you want to have an open honest relationship.  Also discuss what you are doing to clean up your bad credit history so he can see that you are now on top of the issue.  One of the many great things about America… we love turnarounds

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InvestingNewbie - Is it appropriate to advise a significant other on their financial goals? If so, how can you do that without coming off as patronizing or not supportive?

Manisha - A good relationship is all about understanding what makes each other tick and learning to compromise so that each person can be as happy as possible.  As such, I’d say nope – not a great move to “advise” a significant other on their goals.

However, it is a GREAT idea to sit down once or twice a year and discuss together each of your personal goals and your goals for you two as a couple.  In the course of this mutual conversation it’s a great idea to ask for suggestions on how to improve your goals and to offer thoughts on how to help your significant other achieve theirs.

You may be thinking, “Manisha – that sounds like double speak!”  But the key is that by structuring the conversation as a routine mutual review you set the stage for a much more constructive dialogue that if out of the the blue you say (I’d I’ve had this urge…), “Hey, honey, have you maxed out your IRA for this year???”  The former helps bring you both closer… the latter feels attacking.

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The 2nd Winner of the Giveaway is SS4BC! Congratulations. Please email me your name and mailing address to receive your prize.

Tagged as: money and relationships, Q&A