2010 February | Well Heeled Blog

Best of Blogs Link Roundup 2-26-2010

Written by WellHeeled on February 26, 2010 · 7 Comments

Personal Finance

Enemy of Debt is hosting a Money Challenge for the month of March. There will be prizes, but the greatest prize of all is gaining control over your finances, right? Right?

Eking Out a Living found a job! Congratulations to her, especially in this job environment.

Frugal Dad talks about the art of saying “no” – to yourself, to others, to the wrong opportunities, etc.

Money Honey in SF‘s friend of a friend (of a friend?) won a $2 million home in San Francisco. OR, he can take $1.6 million in cash. What would you do? If it were me, I’d be gone with my cash so fast…

Do you know Mike Aubrey? He’s the real estate agent host of Real Estate Interventions on HGTV. And, he left a comment on my post! According to him, the 3rd season of the Real Estate Interventions will incorporate Sabrina’s staging prowess to help homeowners sell quicker. They’d still need to lower their prices though. (It could be his personal assistant or a blog outreach spokesperson, but I prefer to think it was Mr. Aubrey himself, and my first online contact with a real estate celebrity.)

Debt Free U provides online education on money. Check out the Debt Free U – Financial Literacy Resources page.

Contests & Giveaways

Just a few more days left for the $100 Amazon Gift Card contest on this blog. Imagine what you can buy with $100 on Amazon. It ends March 3, so hurry and enter!

Also, tomorrow I will announce the biggest ever giveaway on Well-Heeled Blog. This is going to be a good great amazing one. Hint: $300. Cash.

7 Steps In Overcoming Rejections In Job Search

Written by WellHeeled on February 25, 2010 · 33 Comments

Rejections during job search are disappointing, to be sure. Nobody likes to be told that they were qualified candidates, but the management has decided to go in another direction. In this environment, however, rejections are common-place through out the job search and interview process. After the initial disappointment wears off a bit, there’s really only one way to act, and that’s to handle this setback like the smart and competent professional that you are. Speaking as a job-hunter with, ah, some experience in this subject, I have found 7 steps that help in overcoming a rejection in a job search.

1. Don’t take it personally: It’s hard, but being rejected for a job is not the same as being rejected as a person. It’s not. Repeat it to yourself if necessary. There may be a thousand reasons why you weren’t hired for a particular position – and many of them you can’t control. Learn from the experience, but don’t dwell on it.

2. Do something active to help clear your head: I’ve found that physical activity helps me push through the initial doldrums after a rejection. If running helps you clear your mind, go make a few laps. If video games helps you work through your feelings, get ready for the God of War (some would claim video gaming is “active” – I neither agree nor disagree ). When I’m feeling down, I tango, preferably to fast and furious music. Bring on the endorphins!

3. Be professional: Rejection is a part of business and it’s a part of life. Behave with dignity, graciousness, and professionalism, and you’ll never look back and have that moment of “d’oh! I can’t believe I did that.” Send the Human Resources contact or your interviewers an email thanking them for their time and ask them to keep you in mind if another opportunity opens up later.

4. Be thankful: If you had gotten that job you were interviewing for, it would’ve been really easy to have gratitude. But even in rejection, you have learned things, made contacts, and improved your interview skills.

5. Ask for feedback: There’s never any harm in asking politely “What can I do to make myself a stronger candidate in the future?” Some people will tell you, some won’t. Sometimes the feedback will be concrete (“we wanted you to have more experience in marketing”, or “your analysis of this case study was too disorganized”), and sometimes it will be more subjective (“we went with someone who was a better fit”). If you do get feedback, thank the interviewer. Feedback can be valuable information for you to incorporate into your future job interviews.

6. Reach out to people: Talk to friends who get you, and mentors who can advise you. I was feeling bummed out a few days ago, and my friend sent me this email that’s part hilarious, part heart-warming. It was great. And I felt better after I read it. I also connected with a smart and accomplished lady, whom I consider a mentor and a great role model in career AND in life – her encouragement and insights are priceless. People’s willingness to help and share their thoughts never fail to surprise me.

7. Keep moving forward: Immediately after I received a rejection, I applied to two more jobs, and I was pleasantly surprised when I got another interview a few hours after I emailed my resume. Do not let a rejection become a crushing blow, instead, treat it as an impetus to move forward and be prepared for the next opportunity on the job search.

This post was included in Carnival of Personal Finance and the first edition of the Yakezie Challenge Carnival.

Plutus Award Voting Opens

Written by WellHeeled on February 24, 2010 · 7 Comments

The last time I asked someone to vote for me was in freshmen year of high school. I lost. But.. it was a life-enriching experience?

If you enjoy reading Well-Heeled Blog, please consider voting for me for the Plutus Awards Best Personal Finance Blog for Generation Y or X. All you have to do is to go to http://plutusawards.com and scroll to about a quarter of the way down. Or you can search for “Generation Y or X” – you should see the bubbles where you can click and vote.

Thanks for your support!

WordPress Thesis Question: Thesis Options Freezing!

Written by WellHeeled on February 24, 2010 · 2 Comments

Hi everyone – so this is kind of a strange occurrence so I’m hoping you can give me a little insight?

I have Thesis theme on WordPress, and every time I click on “Thesis Options” (lower left hand corner of the dashboard / admin area), my browser freezes and stops responding. I’ve tried this in IE and Firefox – same result. I can click on “Design Options” and it works fine. This has been happening since a couple days ago.. I originally thought it might be just a fluke, but now that it’s persisting (on two different computers), I’m a little worried.

I have the latest Thesis (v. 1.6) and it’s never given me a problem like this before. Mrs. Micah suggested that it might be because something on that page got corrupted in a way that stops the browser from wanting to load it. She suggested I I re-upload the Thesis core files (not custom) and overwrite the old core files and see if that makes a difference.

I’ll do that, but wanted to reach out and see if anyone has an idea or have experienced what’s going on here. I must have genius Thesis folks among my readers, right?

Taking Debt to Fund Once-In-A-Lifetime Trip

Written by WellHeeled on February 23, 2010 · 16 Comments

Most people would say “no” to borrowing money for a vacation.

But what if the circumstances were slightly altered? What if this trip wasn’t purely a vacation but a visit to the place of your birth? What if the travel isn’t for you but for your elderly parents, who might not have the opportunity to make a similar trek in another 5 or 10 years? What if this really IS a once-in-a-lifetime chance?

This is the difficult situation that The Asian Pear is facing. Most of the commenters said that they would go into debt to fund the trip for their parents in those circumstances, and I’d have to say I would do the same for my parents too.

Because even though there are good “rules of thumb” when it comes to saving and spending and how you should (or shouldn’t) fund travel, it’s impossible to make a decision based purely on financial considerations. Especially when it comes to family.

I’m a Finalist for 2009 Plutus Awards

Written by WellHeeled on February 22, 2010 · 11 Comments

Wow! I did not expect that, and no, this isn’t some false modesty at work. I am genuinely surprised that I’m a Finalist in the Best Personal Finance Blog for Generation Y or X category.

My fellow finalists (a big congratulations to Bargineering, Budgets Are Sexy, Finance For Freelance Life, and Generation X Finance) are all much bigger blogs than me, so it’s especially thrilling that I get to be in their company.

To everyone who nominated me, thank you! You’ve made my day.

Voting begins Wednesday, February 24. If you’d like to show your support by voting for me, I’d appreciate that so much.

To Improve Performance: Spend Time, Not Money

Written by WellHeeled on February 22, 2010 · 21 Comments

Many commercials and advertisement on sports or hobby products would like us to believe that we can purchase performance. Buy that new camera, and you’ll take action shots a la National Geographic. Put on that new pair of running shoes and you can leave the other runners in the dust. And if you get this set of top-of-the-line cookware, your dishes will be as good as Julia Child’s.

There aren’t any national campaign for tango shoes that I know of, but even without the presence of commercials, I’m not immune to the concept of performance for purchase.

Lately, I’ve been looking at some tango shoes even though I have a perfectly good pair that I’m dancing in. A new pair of shoes will be so lovely, I tell myself, they will make me feel more confident on the dance floor. They will be more comfortable. They will make me a better dancer.

Then I think of the best tango dancer I’ve seen at practices and milongas. She is lithe and elegant. Her movements are by turn graceful and sharp, and she has never want for dance partners. She wears plain black heels that you can tell have been through hundreds of hours of practice. Confidence on the dance floor, I realize, cannot be purchased. This lady’s confidence has been developed through all the time she has invested in dancing, not from shoes, new or otherwise.

Every hobby has specialized equipment that enthusiasts need. The key is to keep your equipment that’s appropriate for your budget, performance, and interest. A dancer needs special shoes. Golfers need golf clubs. Yogis need mats. Cyclists need bikes.

But… new dance shoes will not make you a more graceful dancer. More expensive golf clubs might not make you a stronger golfer. Better bicycles might not make you a faster cyclists. Brand-name yoga mats definitely do not make you a more flexible yogi.

Before you spend the money on newer or additional equipment, evaluate if the money would be better spent on more lessons or training instead. There’s just no substitute for practice, practice, practice. So today, I will refrain from new tango shoes, and will go to an extra class instead.

Household Finance and Gender Roles: Women Budget, Men Invest?

Written by WellHeeled on February 19, 2010 · 18 Comments

A few days ago I caught an old clip of the TLC’s 19 and Counting, a reality show about the Duggar family who has 19 children. In order to run the house, everyone has a jurisdiction, a specific series of chores they are responsible for. The girls do all the cooking, laundry, and washing for the family, while the boys are in charge of outside tasks such as fixing the car, mowing the lawn, and taking out the trash.

In this episode, Trading Spaces, Duggar Style, however, the kids are switching places, a departure from their traditional gender roles. The girls learn how to do the boys’ chores, and vice versa. The goal was to teach each side to be more appreciative of what others do, and to teach them the skills to take care of themselves when the others aren’t around.

This episode made me think of the “unofficial” jurisdictions that people take in their household finance, which is often divided by gender roles. From my experience and from what I’ve read about household finance, day-to-day budgeting and bill-paying frequently goes to the woman, while long-term investment and retirement planning job often belongs to the man. In my family, the responsibilities falls along the same gender lines – Mom is charge of daily stuff, while Dad monitors 401Ks and IRAs. They split the responsibilities for their property investments.

When I was growing up, my mom taught me a lot the importance of staying on top of household bills, knowing how much you make and spend, and getting a sustainable mortgage. But investing in stocks, bonds, large-caps, small-caps, etc. were a foreign concept to me. Although I had vague ideas that I should invest, I didn’t actually know the logistics of opening a Roth IRA until I had an old middle school teacher explain it to me in college. Then I started learning about the difference between stocks and bonds, asset allocation, different investment theories, so obviously I turned out OK even though I wasn’t exposed to investing at an early age.

I don’t have a brother, so I don’t know if a son would have received different financial education during his upbringing. But in the future, if my husband and I decide to combine finances, I think it’d be really fun to do a household finance trading spaces deal. Even though we might each have our areas that we enjoy being in charge more, both partners need to understand household finance, which include the budget and long-term investments.

For example, I like making investment plans and studying asset allocation. I do. But even if I am in charge of the investment portion of my household finance, I still need to understand the ins and outs of daily money matter. The reverse holds true. A true partnership might not mean that both partners do 50% of everything, but each individual should have a basic understanding of what’s happening with the household finances.

How did you decide who is in charge of the investment vs. budget in your household? Do you follow gender roles listed above? Have you ever tried to trade spaces with regards to household finance?

image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mahalie/416934091/ via Wisebread.com

‘Run Round The Blogosphere 2/18/2010

Written by WellHeeled on February 19, 2010 · 4 Comments

Personal Finance

I DO care what people think [Me in Millions]: I do, too. I think most people do, despite what they may say.

Resistance is futile: Why buy-and-hold beats value investing [Pop Economics]: Value investing might be better, but Pop Economics argues that it’s not better for you.

Automation: Why you don’t have to feel bad about spending ever again [Personal Finance Ninja]: The title just about says it all. PF Ninja has great content, but really why I read his blog is for his adorable ninja characters.

Would Your Rather Have a BMW or Two Years of Your Life? [Planting Dollars]: I vote for life.

My article No More Free Checking? is included at the Carnival of Personal Finance, hosted by Len Penzo.

Giveaways

PearBudget and Business Cards [A Gai Shan Life]: Win 1-year subscription to PearBudget and 500 free business cards.

Win $100 Amazon Gift Card! Contest ends March 3.

Disney World Picture With Stitch

Written by WellHeeled on February 17, 2010 · 16 Comments

Our Disney World adventure concluded in December. Two months later, we finally printed out 200 – a fraction – of our pictures. Here’s one of my favorites.

A Disney World vacation isn’t complete until you get pictures with some of its characters. I don’t normally like to wait for pictures, but since we were in Disney World, of course we’re going to take as many character pictures as we can.

We never got a picture with Lilo, but it’s okay. We all know that Stitch stole the show in the movie! For this picture, we didn’t even have to stand in line and wait – most of the other character photo shoots at Disney World required at least 20 minutes of standing in line.

We did wait to take pictures with Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto, Buzz Lightyear. At a dinner, we took pictures with the Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore. We did see Lilo at a photo shoot, but decided we didn’t want to wait. I would’ve loved to get pictures with Woody, but he was no where to be found! Maybe Stitch scared him away?

P.S. I had wanted to get Mickey Mouse Ears for us, but they were really expensive (over $20 a pair). Luckily, as we were waiting for the bus to take us from All-Stars Sports Resort to Epcot, a nice Disney Cast Member gave us the pair of reindeer antler ears you see in the picture.

She assured us that many people will be wearing the same antlers because Disney was giving them out for Christmas Day. “You’ll be a herd of Santa’s Reindeers,” she said. Curiously enough, we never saw another person with those antlers. Could it be that that Cast Member was really an… antler fairy!? I think so!

Love Might Be Free But Long Distance Relationships Aren’t

Written by WellHeeled on February 16, 2010 · 27 Comments

This post is a guest post by The Asian Pear for the My Honey, My Money series. AP is a twentysomething Canadian who is trying to find a balance between a healthy lifestyle and frugal spending habits to yummy food and fashion indulgences.

I am one of those people who will always know the current conversion rate of the Canadian dollar to the Euro.** I am one of those people who will always know which are the best phone cards, who are the best long distance carriers and who has the best long distance plans. I am one of those people who will always know the going-price for airplane tickets to go to Europe. Particularly Finland.

The reason is because my boyfriend, Bear, lives in Finland. And I live in Canada.

In May, Bear and I will be celebrating our 8th year anniversary together. All of which has been through long-distance. I wish I can say that having a long-distance relationship was simple and easy. In some ways, it is. In some ways, it is not. One thing for certain is that a long-term/long-distance relationship is NOT cheap.

When you’re dating someone traditionally, you take a lot of things for granted such as the act of conversation. You just simply phone that person or meet them after work. For Bear and I, things get a bit more complicated and expensive… When we first started dating, we were on instant messengers frequently. It was and still is the cheapest form of communication. Soon it wasn’t enough.

So we both went out and bought $70 webcams and $20 mics. We had trouble finding a suitable relay system and started using phones instead. This was even more costly. I had a land line but Bear only had a cell phone and finding a long-distance plan that works on mobiles is quite difficult. I remember paying $100 monthly bills often. Bear once had a phone bill close to $200 even. (Thank goodness we’ve found Rebtel since!) And that’s just the financial cost of conversation. Don’t get me started on our time differences and scheduling!

When you’re dating someone traditionally, you can give gifts and little tokens of affection. When you’re in a long distance relationship, the rules of the game change. You have to consider: how big is the gift, how much it weighs, will customs allow it through, how much the postage will cost and the type of postage. The first gift I ever sent to Bear was a package of homemade cookies. Not having ever sent anything abroad before, I did not even know the rules. A box of cookies ended up costing me almost $70 for air mail to Finland. My homemade cookies probably only cost $7 to make. Now I know better. Send light meaningful things. Send it 6 weeks in advance by surface mail. Nothing more than 500g optimally or 2kg at most.

Physically seeing each other is the hardest and the most expensive task. There’s a lot of planning and saving when it comes to a long distance relationship. I’ve learned over the years that money and time is a paradox. When we had time, neither of us had any money to make the long trip abroad. Now that both of us have (some) money, we don’t have the time.

From my personal perspective, not only do I have to save the money now for the trips but I have to ensure I have enough paid vacation days to cover it. If not, I have to request unpaid vacation days (and honestly? Who wants UNPAID vacation days?). A trip to Finland from Canada will costs about $800 – $1,200 CAD depending on the time of the year. Basically, this is a continual savings goal. As soon as I spend it, I’m already saving for my next trip because I miss Bear already.

I can’t complain though. I am very happy with Bear. He makes me smile despite the thousands of kilometers between us. I know I am lucky to have found him. Despite what it financially costs to be with him, I would say he is well-worth it.

Writer’s Footnote: For those of you interested, as of writing (February 13th), the Canadian dollar to the Euro is 69.86 cents.

Do you have tips for surviving long distance relationships without going broke?

image source: cyberlens.wordpress.com

I Like Getting Tax Refunds

Written by WellHeeled on February 16, 2010 · 19 Comments

The running line among personal finance experts is that those who get tax refunds are simpletons who can’t do basic math or spendthrifts who have no self-control. After all, a tax refund is essentially an interest-free loan to the government for a year. The popular thinking goes: if you readjust your tax forms and muster the discipline to put that money into savings account, you can reap the benefits of the interest!

Well, I don’t think I’m a simpleton or a spendthrift. I understand that refunds are not “free money”, and I don’t depend on the forced savings mechanism of the refund, but I still like tax refunds.

Yesterday I sat down and finished all my taxes in one go. I will be receiving $2,000+ in Federal and State refunds. Though I didn’t purposefully try to get a big refund (I withheld at my 2008 rate but had lower income in 2009 because of unemployment, also, I withheld for federal income taxes on unemployment payouts), I am happy about every penny of that money.

The forgone interest on my refund is minimal; 1% on $2,000 is $20 (which is taxable). Also, I’d rather err on the side of overpaying taxes than have to fork over money in April, or worse, have to suffer underpayment penalties.

image source: foreclosure.com

$100 Amazon Gift Card Contest – Thanks to Mr. Rebates!

Written by WellHeeled on February 15, 2010 · 72 Comments

Have you heard of Mr. Rebates? Well, after this post, you will! You will also have the chance to enter in a contest to win a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Given the plethora of goods available on Amazon, I’d say that it’s almost as good as $100 in cash.

Mr. Rebates is a cash-back shopping website that offers deals at over 2,000 stores plus money-saving online coupons that you can stack with the every day cash-back savings. Some of the top name brand stores include favorites like Macy’s, Sears, Travelocity, and more.

Each purchase you make at a Mr. Rebates’ store will earn you up to 30% cash-back on every dollar you spend. Once you’ve earned enough rebates, you can simply cash out for a check or Paypal payment. That sounds pretty good to me! Plus, you get a $5 registration bonus just by signing up.

For a chance to win the $100 Amazon Gift Card, please do the following for up to 20 entries per person:

(A) 7 entries = sign up for Mr. Rebates. It’s a great website and you get a $5 sign-up bonus. What are you waiting for?

(B) up to 6 entries = Follow @WellHeeledBlog and tweet this giveaway up to 6 times with this message: I want to win $100 Amazon gift card @WellHeeledBlog http://tinyurl.com/100amazon RT to enter!

(C) 2 entries = blog about this giveaway, include in your post these 2 links: http://www.wellheeledblog.com/2010/02/15/win-100-amazon-gift-card-mr-rebates/ and http://mrrebates.com

(D) 2 entries = spread the word on Facebook by writing about this giveaway on your wall, include these 2 links: http://www.wellheeledblog.com/2010/02/15/win-100-amazon-gift-card-mr-rebates/ and http://mrrebates.com

(E) 2 entries = write a review of Well-Heeled Blog on Alexa – it will help me make this site better, so I really thank you in advance for taking the time to review.

(F) 1 entry = sign up for this blog’s RSS updates

**If you’ve done any of the above, please leave a comment and let me know how you have entered so I can count your entries. Deadline is Wednesday March 3 at midnight PST. Good luck! Thank you for entering this contest and thanks to Mr. Rebates for making this possible.

Movie Theaters, Ethics, and Snacks: Should You Bring Food To Movies?

Written by WellHeeled on February 13, 2010 · 46 Comments

The question is inspired by comments to my guest post at Free From Broke: 4 Ways to Enjoy The Movie Experience, in which I talk about the methods I use to keep my movie expenses down so that I can continue to enjoy movies on a budget.

Going to movie theaters is expensive. Ticket prices have gone up to the double digits. I have several ways to minimize movie expenses – one of the ways is to avoid concession stands, whose prices are usually marked up several hundred-fold. I frequently don’t eat anything during movies, but sometimes I’ll bring bottled waters and food (snacks such as oranges, pears, dried fruit) in the theaters for extra long movies.

But one commenter on the 4 Ways to Enjoy The Movie Experience got me thinking on the ethics of bringing food into theaters. Is it unethical to bring in my own snacks when the movie theaters usually say “no outside food or drinks”? I have no problem bringing in water – in fact, any place that won’t let me bring my own water (unless the prohibition is for safety purposes), is not a business I want to support.

Bringing food into movie theaters, however, is a stickier proposition. When I bring my own snacks into movie theaters, it’s for both health and budget reasons (did you know that one bucket of medium popcorn has anywhere from 600 to 1,200 calories?!), and I don’t bring any food that movie theaters sell. So while I might sneak in a small bag of orange slices, I won’t be bringing in my own popcorn, Coca-cola, or salted pretzels.

But maybe I’m just rationalizing my behavior. What do you think?

Do you bring food inside movie theaters? Is it ethical? Do you think it’s wrong but still do it?

image source: calorielab.com

Run ‘Round the Blogosphere 2/11/2010 – Valentine’s Edition

Written by WellHeeled on February 11, 2010 · 3 Comments

The search for love and the search for wealth are always the two best stories. But while a love story is timeless, the story of a quest for wealth, given enough time, will always seem like the vain pursuit of a mirage.

- Mark Kurlansky

That quotation seems especially appropriate near Valentine’s Day, on a personal finance blog – doesn’t it? Love should be celebrated (but don’t do it with debt!).

In honor of the day, here are some real love stories: may you love, and be loved, like Billy loved Ruth, like Calvin loved Alice, like Joan loved John.

If you need some more science or social studies to go with your dose of love, I present to you this article discussing the always fascinating intersection of relationships, economics, and human behavior: When It Comes to Search for a Spouse, Supply and Demand is Only the Start [New York Times].

**My article on natural hair is included in Carnival of Personal Finance (hosted at Get Rich Slowly).

Marriage, Money, and Making It Work

Written by WellHeeled on February 9, 2010 · 22 Comments

Everyone grows up surrounded by cultural paradigms, lenses through which we view or interpret the world. I’ve been thinking about two common cultural dialogues surrounding marriage / commitment and household economics – topics that interest me because I am in a serious relationship and because I find money, cultural norms, and gender roles to be fascinating topics.

The Nag and the Commitment-Phobe

An underlying assumption of our romantic cultural dialogue is that men are dragged into commitment, kicking and screaming, while women are the planners and instigators of such commitment, plotting and scheming. Cultural discourse portrays marriage as an end for the man (the end of freedom, fun, excitement, etc.) but a beginning for the woman (the beginning of “happiness”, true womanhood, “real life”). Think about the jokes about women having to get married by 35, or about men who deserve “condolences” when they announce their engagement [see A Practical Wedding blog for more on these topics]. Even though they might be said with a wink and a smile, these assumptions are internalized and disseminated.

Popular media talk about the woman “trapping” or “getting” the man to marry her (can you believe there’s such as a thing as an engagement chicken!?). I find that kind of…well, strange. While I do want to get married, I don’t see my job as “getting” CB, or any man for that matter, to marry me. My job is to treat myself and my partner with love, respect, and honesty. Call me a romantic, but isn’t a relationship a mutual journey and not a one-way pursuit?

A few days ago, CB and I talked a bit about how we see our future (I want to keep my name but lose the engagement ring, we both want a smallish wedding but big travel plans, he wants a big screen TV where we can play PS3 together, etc.). Our relationship is playful, but I do not play games with the important things. That means we reach marriage by deciding together that we want to commit to a lifelong partnership, not by me imbuing poultry with magical powers of persuasion. That’s why I find the language and perceptions surrounding men, women, and marriage to be so insidious, because I believe the way we discuss marriage and the future impacts how we live our marriage and build our future.

Real Men Make (More) Money

Another, related, line of cultural dialogue is that the man has to be the main economic provider in order to be a successful husband and father. CB and I have actually discussed this at length, because the man-as-provider was the model he saw as he was growing up. These dialogues are evolving, of course; but they exist. CB has said that he feels the pressures to support a family, even though we have every intention of being a dual-career, dual-income household.

Many couples have problems with the wife making more money than the husband because money is seen as a source of power in the relationship – even if the income is pooled. Not only that, money is seen as a source of masculine power. That’s why many women (not just men) find themselves uncomfortable when the girlfriends or the wives are the breadwinners. Knowing where the source of that discomfort comes from, though, is a first step in negotiating the landscape where household economics may differ from the traditional norms.

These paradigms are worth exploring and understanding, not because everything has to be analyzed to death, but so that we don’t unconsciously fall into these definitions of “marriage,” “money”, and “power” in our own relationships. I believe that a traditional arrangement where the man works and the woman takes care of the children is every bit as valuable a relationship as one where the couple both works or the woman works and the man stays home or both work part-time, etc., etc. By acknowledging and examining these cultural dialogues, couples can choose how they want to build their lives together.

CB and I will probably fall into some traditional gender roles because our interests have aligned themselves with such activities – I’ll do most of the cooking, because I enjoy it, and CB will change the oil and check the tire pressure on cars, because he’s good at it. As a New York Times article said so eloquently, the point “is not to spit at tradition for the heck of it but rather to think things through instead of defaulting to gender.” Exactly! The key is that we arrive at these decisions on income-earning and home-making thoughtfully, with an understanding of the cultural forces that influence our thinking.

Declutter Your Home So Stuff Won’t Weigh You Down

Written by WellHeeled on February 8, 2010 · 30 Comments

Declutter your home… because have you ever looked around your house and wonder, how the heck did I accumulate so much stuff?!

I have. And I did.

Even though I have been going through a process of to declutter my home, I must have been adding to my collection of stuff because somehow, my apartment doesn’t seem any more simplified than it had been a year or two ago.

I like most of my things (that’s why I bought them!), but I don’t need them. I don’t even necessarily want them. They are clothes I’ve haven’t worn in a year. Books I’ve read and will not read again. Shoes that look cute but pinch my feet. Old papers I haven’t gotten around to shredding. Half-empty bottles of lotion past their expiration date. They are gathering dust, sitting idle. Even the items with sentimental value are surprisingly few.

For the past few days, I’ve been through my belongings with a more critical eye. Books, clothes, jewelry, shoes – everything is fair game. What is this pull that “stuff” have on us? Looking around my apartment, I realized that I want to pare down, I want to declutter, even more. Just because I can have all this stuff doesn’t mean that I should. Though I don’t want to be able to pack my life in a suitcase, a la George Clooney in Up In The Air, I recognize that stuff obligates us, and not just in financial terms.

Think about it – whenever you buy something, you have to take time to look for stuff, make money to pay for stuff, and then find space to put stuff!

Big changes are coming up ahead. I may take a job in the States, I may move overseas. The possibility of moving crystallizes what is important – what I really love and what I’m lukewarm about. So I’m taking this time to shed some stuff. I don’t want to live ascetic lifestyle, I want to have nice things – I suppose the key is to have a clear sense of what stuff is important, what I really enjoy (which makes the cost worthwhile), and what is just extraneous.

image source: andreaharner.com

My Honey, My Money by Fabulously Broke

Written by WellHeeled on February 8, 2010 · 1 Comment

Fabulously Broke, one of my favorite bloggers for her picture-laden posts and down-to-earth tone, gives us her take on her biggest money conflict.

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This might sound kind of silly, but our biggest money conflict is that sometimes I am willing to pay slightly more (nothing outrageously so) for an item.

Here’s a recent example.

We wanted to make duck for dinner, and basically scoured every possible grocery store and market before finally chancing across a couple of duck legs in a chic market.

Me: “We spent ALL DAY looking for this and finally found it. Let’s just buy it. This town is not made for duck eating. It’s our only hope. C’mere ducky!”

BF: “No. I know it can be cheaper than that. It should be worth $13/lb! I saw it somewhere, I KNOW I DID. No. Put it back, we’re going to find that duck.”

Me: “Damn it.”

In the end, he was right. We found the duck (a whole one) for $13/lb, but you can see where we have a conflict in money decisions there.

He wants to find exactly what he wants for the exact price he is expecting, and I am more laissez-faire in that I am willing to forgo a couple of bucks (not $20) just to pick up what we want. I don’t mind being wrong in that case if it saves me money, but I just think of the time and gas wasted and wonder if it’s worth it in the end.

It’s funny, but it all relates to what we’re buying.

He’s tough on the food, utility and gas prices, and he will spend the time searching for what he wants at the price he wants, whereas I am more like: “It’s duck. It’s not chicken. Just buy it.” I’m tough on personal purchases (electronics, makeup, toiletries), and I will spend time waiting for something to come down in price and delaying my purchases, whereas he will adopt my attitude towards food, and buy whatever they say the price is after checking all the sales.

Other than that, we don’t have money conflicts.

We each earn our own salary, and we save and spend it as we choose (although he has to remind me that I own a lot of nice things already). We each have our own retirement accounts and we are comfortable that we are both money savvy enough to not have to police each other, but to give money advice to each other instead.

We also split everything 50/50 because it works for us. The only things that we don’t is that I cover the cellphone and he covers the internet & parking.

I LIKE paying my share in the expenses because I feel less guilty when I go out to buy something for myself and I am not thinking about how that $20 could have gone towards paying my share of the expenses.

…and vice versa.

Other than that, we’re both pretty good with keeping expenses low (he calls me cheap, but I know otherwise).