Inspired by the month of February (Valentine’s Day always makes me think about the intersection between warm fuzzy feelings and cold hard cash) and my recent Q&A series with personal finance expert Manisha Thakor on money & relationships, I want to start a new series of reader-contributed material on this topic – the My Honey, My Money series.
Please email me with “My Honey, My Money” in the subject line. Posts should be around 500 words long. I’ll be happy to include a link to your personal blog or website and twitter account. If you’d like to remain anonymous, please let me know as well. I want to post 2-3 guest articles a month.
The first My Honey, My Money question is: What is the biggest money conflict in your relationship?
I’m so excited to hear all your stories!
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I'm employed and he is not.
My boyfriend of one year is increasingly strapped for cash as he finishes his last semester in law school. The stress of looking for a decent salary in a decent firm and anticipating 4-6 weeks of studying for the bar has him in knots.
We really like one another. That said, things are fairly new. But he has been asking me for money. I admitted to him this year was slated as my vacation savings year- with the pay off being the first trip outside of the country. Only, my vacation savings have become a HUGE issue because he feels I could just give that up to help him.
No advice needed on the vaca funds, year end will find me in a sunny, foreign location. Less clear about if it was shortsighted of me to be so transparent about my financial goals. Maybe that should have remained my secret.
No more than I can be assured he will choose to stay around and spend the lawyers salary on me, I am not comfortable committing my financial resources to someone who may not last the long run.
I am very glad you chose the vacation – that's what I would've chosen as well. His assumption that it'd be "no big deal" for you to give up your savings to him raises a huge red flag.
Hey, cool idea! I'll participate
look for an email.
From Mrs. MoneyHoneySF myself, I would have to say we don't really have any money conflict in our relationship since we got married. But before that while dating, we use to butt heads on alot of things. He is naturally a saver, I am naturally a spender. But over the years we have come to a point where I have made myself save more now, and he has opened up his wallet more.
Please come visit my site at http://moneyhoneysf.blogspot.com/ when you get a chance. Please inform your viewers as well. Thanks in advance!
Btw, that is a great idea you have and also loving the title "my HONEY, my MONEY"
This is a great post.
I believe that when dating money isnt an issue. He has his and I have mine. When we go some where either of us picks up the tab (its usually him old fashioned, which I love!) I sometimes ask him why he spend money on something but he just replies its my money and likewise. We don't live together so maybe that also contributes to the lack of issues.
But I think if there are problems in a marriage about money its becausepeople didn't talk about money when they got engaged. As one of my wise friends who is married says: when you get married its no longer my money and your money. He says you and your honey have to beon the same page when it comes to goals for your COMBINED future together. He also doesn't believe in the his account, her account and out account. His philosophy is that you become one and therefore everything tangible must become one. I will also follow this philosophy but its important that you know what kind of WALLET you are marrying…don't want to find out after the honeymoon you honey has 66k in unsecured debt…..
Like Nina, I am employed and my boyfriend is not. Only the difference is I am the one in law school.
He's been spottily employed for a few years now, and I'm pretty sure it's because he doesn't have a degree. Most of the jobs he's eligible for are carried a high risk of getting fired, since one unskilled worker is as good as another as far as big corporations go. The local small businesses aren't hiring in this economy. He just entered a university to try and fix all of this, but I'm afraid of what his student debt will be by the time he graduates.
This is the reason we haven't gotten married. Not just his employment, but his finances in general. I'm in the middle of cleaning up my own financial mess, and I've hamstrung myself from the get go by paying for him (and making some other absolutely foolish financial decisions trying to help him). I won't marry him unless he gets his financial act together.
But finances aren't the only thing to a relationship. Obviously the pros still outweigh the cons for me.