Elizabeth Gilbert, of course, is the best-selling author whose 2006 memoir Eat Pray Love vaulted her on to the Oprah Show, TED conference’s speaker schedule, and the inside of various magazines.
She recently came out with her second memoir, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, which combines a fascinating look on the ever-evolving institution of marriage along with her personal questions and doubts about matrimony. I went to Barnes & Noble and finished the book in 2 hours.
Part of the book focused on Gilbert’s hesitations about the financial underpinnings of marriage – she and her husband (the Brazilian gem-dealer “Felipe” in Eat Pray Love) decided to sign a prenuptial agreement. Gilbert admits that in the past, she had a habit of financially supporting the men in her live, including the checks she must still send to her husband (I assume this is alimony / spousal support as they do not have children).
Naturally, this peaked my interest about her former husband. So just for fun, I googled “Elizabeth Gilbert” and “ex husband” and found this:
1998 interview by NPR’s This American Life (click on 38:00)
In this interview, you can listen to Elizabeth Gilbert and former husband Michael Cooper talk about spending their $10,000 nest egg on a lovely small wedding instead of the backyard affair that Gilbert had originally envisioned). The interview begins with Gilbert and her then-husband Michael Cooper sharing a childhood story that illustrated their differing views on money – Gilbert grew up in a household of thrift and constantly worried about money, while Cooper was much laisserz-faire about the topic.
When they were about to get married, Gilbert’s parents gave them a $10,000 windfall. Originally, she wanted to have a simple backyard wedding, then save the $10,000 windfall for the start of a nest egg. Cooper wanted a nicer wedding. They fought and cried and fought. But after much consideration, Gilbert realized that she would regret never dancing at her wedding, and so she and Cooper decided to spend that $10,000 on their wedding. Gilbert concluded by saying she would redo the wedding “even if it had been $100,000″.
Six years later, the marriage between Elizabeth Gilbert and Michael Cooper would be over.
I wonder if money issues had anything to do with the demise of Gilbert’s first marriage, and if she ever regrets the loss of that $10,000. Or if, in the aftermaths of an acrimonious divorce, $10,000 would seem like a small price to pay. The cynic in me thinks the latter – after all, at least they had a nice party. That $10,000 divided by two plus years of inflation probably wouldn’t amount to much in 2010.
For Gilbert’s marriage to “Felipe”, the ceremony was held in their home, with only immediate family members (and the dog) present. “Felipe”, the groom, made food for the reception. Gilbert had to remind him to take off his apron before they spoke their vows.
This post was featured in the 2nd edition of Yakezie Carnival.
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She talks a lot about the end of her first marriage in the first few chapters of Eat Pray Love (which I thought was great as an self-narrated audiobook). The main conflict seemed to be that she didn't want to have children or be trapped as a suburban housewife. I can't remember if she mentioned money conflicts, although she does talk at length about her ex's outrageous alimony demands and the long tumultuous divorce process.
That's interesting — especially as I'm getting married next month (OMG) and we opted out of a dance. It just wasn't realistic to do it in this area for a reasonable price. But I knew that I wouldn't be thinking about it, much less regretting it, the rest of my life. I'm not very wedding focused and I just know I would be ok with it. But some people really would miss it. Luckily T's parents insisted on a big thing in the midwest, so, best of both worlds I guess.
Sorry — totally focused on that one thing. I loved her first book but haven't got her 2nd yet.
I saw the movie Julie & Julia and loved it! I should really check out her new book. I'm sad to know that her first marriage didn't work out, because her husband's character in the movie seemed so supportive! I guess I'll just have to read her new book to find out what went wrong.
I think you're thinking of Julie Powell (who wrote Julie & Julia), she also came out with a second book a few months ago. Julie is still with her husband, although I think they both had affairs and had to work though their issues – Julie did this by working at a butcher shop and chopping huge chunks of meat (also the subject for her 2nd book).
In Eat, Pray, Love, Gilbert talks at length about how unhappiness was the reason for her divorce. She just didn't want kids or the lifestyle that her ex-husband envisioned for them. I think she also alluded to possible infidelity on her part. Anyways, I don't think signing a pre-nup during her second marriage is any indication of her "learning" her money lessons, but a reflection of how her view of marriage has changed since she suffered so much from her divorce and what she went through before she found Felipe. I mean, even the reason why she marries Felipe — so that he could get a visa to stay in the US — lacks of love. I'm not saying she doesn't love Felipe, it seems like for her, because she was burned the first time around, everything has become a formality. So she is doing the pre-nup and the small wedding not because she'll enjoy it, but because she feel she has to or else she'll suffer. My two cents…over.
Didn't Gilbert say she and Felipe love each *so much* that they are willing to get married?
After all they've been through, they are still willing to enter into an institution both had so much doubts about, because they wanted to stay together.
Many people sign prenups with second marriages because at this point they have assets to protect or kids or both. Especially if they've been through a divorce. Cause, yikes, that makes you wish you'd talked about this stuff BEFORE you got married.
There's so many reasons people get divorced, its unlikely the $10,000 nest egg/wedding expense really plays into it at all. After a six year marriage, that nest egg could just've easily been spent on big screen tvs, vacations or houses, and they still probably would've ended up divorced.
We opted to have a small wedding in order to save money and while I've wished to change things….I don't regret not going into debt for it. I love that we didn't screw up our finances as I think it would have really stressed me out to start our lives that way. I grew up a lot like Gilbert with money and I can't imagine that stress not having a negative impact on my marriage had we done it differently.