I am going to have a tiny wedding.
Is all this talk of wedding planning driving you a little crazy? I understand, it’s irritating to me too. Somehow the excitement of the engagement has been overshadowed by Must. Get. Things. Done. when it comes to vendors and dates and guest lists and budgets.
When I first put together a $10K wedding budget, I was thinking about 40-50 guests. Still a small wedding by most standards, but it was plenty for me to worry about. The dollar signs started piling up. I thought about the debt we would have after graduate school. Visions of all the glorious trips we can take with the wedding money danced through my head. I started to read wistfully about elopements on Intimate Weddings.
Aside the money issues, I just wasn’t enjoying this whole wedding planning process, even though I liked looking at pretty pictures on wedding blogs and flipping through bridal magazines. I didn’t used to care about centerpieces and different colored linens, but somehow, I was starting to care, or caring that I didn’t care… and that was pretty scary.
I realized that…
- I have so much more fun thinking about a Big Ticket Travel honeymoon than about the wedding.
- I’d rather save my stress-handling capability for graduate school and work.
- At the end of the day, all I really want in my wedding can be summed up in these few phrases: marry CB, wear a lace gown, be surrounded by family.
- Oh, and I want nice photos to memorialize the whole occasion. Of course, the money saved is a plus also.
So there you have it. Last evening I had a conversation with CB and told him how I felt. After we talked, CB and I decided to adjust our guest list from 40+ to just around 20. Our immediate families (no dates) plus a handful of good friends. This redirection means that our budget has now fallen to under $6,000 and I stopped worrying about things like centerpieces and reception music. I’m not sure if 20 qualifies as a tiny wedding, but I think of it that way, a lovely, tiny wedding that is the perfect balance between a private elopement and a big shindig.
| Wedding Budget For a Tiny Wedding | ||
| Item | Amount | of Total |
| Ceremony venue | $240.00 | 4% |
| Music and officiant | $0.00 | 0% |
| Marriage license | $90.00 | 2% |
| Restaurant reception | $1,200.00 | 21% |
| Photography | $1,600.00 | 28% |
| Bride’s Attire | $500.00 | 9% |
| Bride’s Hair & Makeup | $50.00 | 1% |
| Groom’s Attire | $600.00 | 11% |
| Flowers | $100.00 | 2% |
| Hotel (2 Nights) | $500.00 | 9% |
| Rings (surgical steel!) | $200.00 | 4% |
| Gifts | $600.00 | 11% |
| $5,680.00 | ||
Under $6,000! As we will be paying for this event ourselves, this means that we’d have to pony up $3,000 each. Still not a small sum, but it’s manageable. I think we have a real good shot of coming in under this budget, even. I just feel this giant weight lifted off me once we made the decision to go with a very small wedding.
This is going to be my last wedding post for a while. I promise. 
Anyone else decide to scrap their original plans and have a tiny wedding instead?
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Pretty much nothing about wedding planning appeals to me…except for choosing the playlist. I figured we would probably have a 40ish guest list too, as I'd say we probably have 15-20 "must invite" friends, plus at least 6 family members on my side and a minimum of 10ish on his. But I have aages to worry about that! WIll you be doing your own makeup?
Yeps makeup will be all me.
I think it is awesome that your having a 'tiny' wedding. I think you will probably end up loving it more than you would an expensive wedding because it will be equally special without the extra stress or even debt that some people go into for their wedding. I would do the same thing. I would more likely elope with immediate family only, I agree on the pictures though, I probably want the pictures more than anything. So many brides I know have regretting skimping on pictures. I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
While we didn't scrap original plans, we only had 30 people at our wedding. (Family only basically.) We had the ceremony at the church and then had a dinner at a restaurant nearby. We had a private room there, but it keep the cost under $1000. In total our wedding cost about $2500. It was perfect for us.
That sounds lovely. I am planning a reception at a restaurant with a private room and a private terrace.. it will cost more than $1,000, but it's cheaper than almost anything else I've seen in the area.
Congrats on figuring out your priorities and going with them! A wedding with just immediate family and close friends sounds perfect and far less stressful.
I know. One thing I hated was watching every penny when it came to a bigger wedding. Now, even if we don't get the absolute best deal on things, it's still a manageable figure. And more money for the honeymoon!
Immediate family, but no dates? I mean, more power to you if you get to pull that off, but what if someone has been dating someone for eons that they are practically married? Or what if they're engaged? I dunno. I understand your desire to have an affordable wedding, but I don't know if you want to irritate/upset the people around you.
Unless everyone is conveniently single. Which in that case, party on!
Win WIN all around! I'm glad that you'll be able to have the wedding/honeymoon of your dreams and at such a good price. Will you put stock photos up of the final decisions?
I want to put up real photos! I actually have already planned most of the wedding – I know were I want to have my ceremony and reception, and now I just need to book a photographer and pick a date. Oh, and find a dress. The best part about having a small non-Saturday wedding is it's so much easier and cheaper to plan.
Kudos to you for deciding to go small! In a world where bigger is better, so many couples are ready to enter into massive D-E-B-T in the beginning of their relationship instead of considering the long-term consequences.
I told my fiance that I’d rather have a house of our own than a huge wedding and a ginormous ring.
My fiance and I are doing a wedding for $1500 for 50 people (the closest relatives and their families). We chose a venue that was FREE (woot!) and have been DIYing a lot of stuff. The reception, like all of our major family events, is potluck and has really helped save on food. We’ll be doing cupcakes from a local bakery with which I was able to haggle the bill down. There’s TONS of ways to save… Poke me if you want ideas (even though your wedding has a much more flexible budget).
$1,500 for 50 people? You are a budget superstar. Congratulations! What did you do for your photo?
A good friend of mine who does weddings professionally in NC is coming out to do mine for the price of a plane ticket
I spend more on my honeymoon than I did on my wedding (and I would not change a thing), my budget was half yours for the wedding and I had invited 75 ppl. 50 showed up.
Your photography budget is a bit excessive if you ask me, I live in ATL as well and I think you can reduce that by 20% at least. Unless you have your hear set on a particular person shop some more and save another $200-$500.
I'm in California, and I think everything is more expensive here. I think if I try hard I can probably cut another few hundred dollars from the photography, but maybe I'm just tired of looking…
I used to think a wedding was a reason to throw myself an epic megatron-sized party of the effin century. Then I helped my sister plan her wedding…
She stressed. She cried. She stressed. She ended up $15k over budget. She stressed. And is still repaying her wedding after almost a year.
Small, if not tiny, wedding. Right on.
I would agree on splurging on photos, mostly because I love photojournalism. And I do agree with the idea that photographs are what you will have in the end. Because they can capture not just moments, but also emotions, and can tell a story in and of itself. Photos would be a major part of my budget.
As for dates at a wedding. That's a touchy one. A newly wed friend told me, "[A wedding] is a celebration of love. And if I limit you to just bringing yourself, then it defeats the purpose." I could understand that, but I don't think I'd appreciate paying the way for a date that I may not see again in the case the couple broke up (which I know, is unpredictable). Fiances are ok. Flings are not.
Congrats to you and CB! Good luck planning and enjoy every moment
The dates one isn't really that touchy a subject. The family understands, and in one case I have been instructed NOT to have both a best friend and a date attending. See my response to Investing Newbie.
I love that you regained your sense of self and re-evaluated what you wanted. I think chair covers are stupid (ha ha). What happened to your bridesmaids? I think you should still have two bridesmaids and either pay for their dresses as a gift (I thought that was an awesome thing for you to do), or have them wear whatever they want, but it would be nice to have your besties standing next to you.
If I ever get married, my biggest expense is definitely going to be food. I may even have my wedding at a restaurant! HA!!HA!!
I do agree with alottalettuce when it comes to the pictures (a little). You'll put a couple in your house, one at your desk (maybe!), but where are the rest of the photos going to go? In an album tucked away. Once you have kids, your wedding pics will be a thing of the past. You might want to reconsider that expense just a little and let a few friends bring dates that you know.
We are inviting 2 couple friends (both are friends, although one side is closer), but that's it. In a wedding of 20 it just doesn't make sense to have people we don't know. And our families are really chill, so that helps.
I am having my wedding at a restaurant too, I expect the food to be really good!
I'll probably keep the bridesmaids (probably 2), and they can wear whatever they want in a certain color. I do have one bridesmaid who is flying from the East Coast, so I've reserved $150-$200 of the Gifts budget to give her for the airfare.
Perfect! Now I'm getting excited.
This is going to be great.
I eloped because I hate planning — do enough planning for work! I would like to put in my two cents though based on my observations of stressed-out brides:
1) split the labor with the groom. Yes, guys can help with planning and thank you notes!
2) I think photography is important. I hate bad pictures of self. I'm sure there are good photographers in all price ranges but it's important to pick one whose work/style you really like and you feel comfortable with.
3) Honeymoon planning is a lot more fun!
4) Weddings are more fun with dates…
Sounds like you made the right decision for you guys – way to go!
I certainly won't argue that pictures aren't an important part of one's wedding day, but I would argue that ultra-stylized, painstakingly edited professional photos are of little import. My husband and I DID hire pros, and lived to regret it. They took beautiful pictures, to be sure. But between the 500+ they took and the 500+ we got from friends AND our very own camera – we have 5 favorites framed in our home and every single one of them came from a friend, except my #1 fave, which I took myself.
The people who know and love us captured the emotion of the day far better than the pros ever could, because they were PART of that emotion.
My husband and I went from a wedding guest list that we couldn't get under 100 to an elopement with one guest (my mom). Two years later we still look back on it fondly – it was so low stress! The essentials for me were having chocolate cake, not wearing white, and not saying "obey." Done, done, done!
Mmm chocolate cake! I am getting my cakes from a local bakery – $30 a cake, I'm getting 3.
LOVE this. I wish I could have done it, too!
You know what the sad-for-the-budget part is? $1,600 is a DEAL for a professional photographer with 6 hours of coverage. I've priced out a few photographers and I know that's a good value. I'm not being taken. That said, I can probably go a few hundred dollars lower if I negotiated for even fewer coverage.
First of all, I apologize for not commenting lately but I've been following closely and admiring your marital journey. I commend you SO MUCH for scaling back. I will be paying for my own wedding day should that time ever come for me and it's wonderful women like you that help me keep things in perspective. Speaking of weddings, I adore apracticalwedding.com – unconventional advice on all things marital written by a variety of strong, centered women. You should guest post there!
You're making me blush. LOL. I feel like I got lucky in a lot of ways – my family and his family are both really reasonable and have said that we can do whatever we want. I never had this huge DREAM of a big fancy wedding, so I never had to give up on that dream either. And we are agree on the main goals of the wedding: marry each other, have enough money left for travel, so we didn't have to compromise (too much) on that aspect. I am on the hunt for a lace dress for around $300 though.. THAT's going to be hard!
We had 33 people at our wedding (just immediate family, basically) and a house party 2 weeks later. It was under $5K. our honey moon was $10 though (safari, africa)
I was lucky to have gone to about 8 million weddings before I had my own. The ones that were the most memorable and fun were the small ones. The ones where there are 200 guests and you get to see the bride and groom for 8 milliseconds were tougher and my bride friends all said they wished they had more time to hang out with guests. Great plan. Youlll love it.
Please please say you will write a guest post on your Africa safari honeymoon! I really want to go on an African safari, but they are so expensive, especially for two people. Maybe for our 5th year anniversary? I did look into Wilderness Travel's safaris and I can't stop thinking about them. The bug has bitten.
My wedding hovered around $10K. I did make cuts. I did not have my hair or make up done. I had my photographer leave half way through the wedding…but she did shoot 400 pictures..
We're expecting about 90 people — which isn't small, but it's also more than 50% family.
I think I'm not going crazy (yet) because there are minimal vendors involved — photographer (already booked), cake (haven't chosen) and the reception is at a restaurant, which is far less fuss than a hall.
Music will be via iPod. Will shoot videos with FlipCams (maybe, not 100% on that yet).
Now, that said, I did have a bitty panic attack the other day considering we only have 4 months to pull this off… and still need to find a place to live and I have to move!
I'm glad you're moving forward doing what you want to do. I coordinate weddings on the side and have been in a handful of weddings and gone to a HEAP of weddings. I can't tell you enough how many brides are overly concerned with pleasing others and it takes away from their personal enjoyment of the most important day of their lives.
I also like how you define this as a balance between eloping and a big shindig. That makes it that much more special for the 20 people who will be there. It's like they're peeking in on your very intimate moment.
Have I mentioned that I LOVE weddings. I'm loving your blog right now. Thanks again for sharing!
That's a great idea on listing you priorities since you only wanted a tiny wedding.
Thanks for giving this list maybe some couples with less budget would like to apply this one.
Nope, didn't scrap any plans — my dream wedding started out as a tiny wedding!
We're inviting only immediate family (and hers won't come, most likely) and a few close friends who are chosen family. There are 13 people on the guest list, the wedding party (3 attendants each), plus the officiant and the photographer and her assistant. We're not sure if the two 90-year-old grandparents will be able to travel to us, but if they can, that's 25 including me and my beloved and our day-of coordinator.
I want a TINY wedding. My fiance wants a bigger one. I do not know how to come to a compromise on this, since we are struggling so much financially, and I simply do not see the point on spending all this money on a party. I am the woman, and he and I have clearly opposite ideas of most people. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I just don't want to get married if I have to spend my life's savings. It seems so ridiculous to me. I am in my 40's and sort of over all of the excitement about the perfect wedding. Any insight??????