I ask because I saw an advice column in SELF magazine on how to deal with dining-with-friends-and-money situations, especially with the sticky situation of a friend who ordered a pricey entree and wants to split the bill with someone who munched on a salad. I don’t disagree with SELF’s advice, but perhaps dining out is more awkward then it has to be.
Perhaps it’s because we are poor grad students, but my friends and I almost always ask for separate checks at restaurants (unless what we’ve ordered are really comparable, then we split the checks down the middle). I haven’t felt any stigma against getting separate checks, either from the waitstaff nor from my friends.
Ask Metafilter has a great thread on why separate checks for large groups can be a pain in the a– for waiters, however, we don’t typically have a problem getting separate checks, especially if we ask at the beginning of the meal. There’s nothing embarrassing about asking friends to pay their share, it’s not as if you are asking them for a cash loan!
Here is what SELF says and my take.
1. They got bubbly and oysters. You, a friggin’ frisee salad. Now they want to split the bill.
What SELF says:
You don’t want to seem like a tightwad, but if you’re broke, you’re broke. Say jokingly, “That salad was good, but not $40 good!” Next time, announce when you sit down that you’re ordering small.
My take: It’s not a matter of being a tightwad. No one likes to pay bubbly and oyster prices for a salad -unless your intention is to treat your friends, in which case, let generosity lead the way! I would just say, “why don’t we ask for separate checks” and then flag down the waiter. If that doesn’t work and you have cash, put down cash for your portion (including tax and tip, of course).
2. One person is clearly skimping on her share.
What SELF says:
Rib her gently. (“What else is hiding in that Marc Jacobs wallet, girl?”) In the future, offer to tally up shares–an app like Billr.me makes it easy–and ask another diner to collect so you don’t become the dinner-party pooper.
My take: In big groups, an easy rule of thumb is to take your dinner cost and add 30% (10% for tax and 20% for tip).
3. You didn’t research and chose the $$$ place.
What SELF says:
Sorry, this is your bad, so you have to make it up to the rest of the group. Offer to cover desserts or at least a round of post-dinner drinks. And for your next pick, might we suggest cheap and cheerful burgers and beers?
My take:
It’s up to someone in the group to speak up if the restaurant is too expensive, so I don’t think the person who selected the restaurant should have to pony up for more than his or her fair share. Of course, my friends and I have walked out of a restaurant before we even opened up our napkins once we realized how expensive it is, so it may be that we just have no shame…!
In any case, I have sort of admitted defeat to the lure of Starbucks.
One more thing – if you can avoid checking any luggage, do so! It was great breezing through check-in with only our carry-ons when there was a huge line for all the passengers checking luggage. For the 5 days, I basically lived in 3 pairs of pants and 2 jackets / sweatshirt.
