This is a guest post by “Mia” for the My Honey, My Money series. Mia is a little concerned about the different money attitudes between her and her boyfriend. She shares her story and asks for your advice.
Hi there. My boyfriend and I don’t really have any finance-related conflicts in our relationship – not outwardly at least. We do, however, have very different ways of dealing with money, and moved in together about six months ago.
Living together, we share household expenses, and our current situation (he moved in to my place) has me fronting the money for rent and bills. I also cover groceries, since he hates grocery shopping and I love it. He covers most meals out, and special purchases (like concert tickets), and at the end of each month, we tally up what we each spent and whomever spent less pays the other person the difference (usually, he owes me about $700). This system works fine, and he is always willing to lend me funds throughout the month if for some reason I’m running short (if I’ve had unexpected large expenses, like plane flights or medical bills).
That’s not the “issue,” though, that’s just the background.
Like I said, we have VERY different ways of dealing with money, though our salaries are about the same. I save and budget; he just goes with the flow. I have about $12k total (spread out in checking, 401k, savings, and a CD). He has about $13k total (exclusively in checking; nothing in savings of any sort). He has a credit card (that he hasn’t used since he paid off the balance a few years ago); I have never had one, though I have established credit through my car and student loan payments. A couple of times a year, he mentions something like, “Oh, yeah, I should open up a savings account” but he never actually does it.
We are not married, we do not have a joint bank account, and we basically split everything down the middle – I am not responsible for his finances. At this point, I feel like what he does with his money is his business (as long as he’s meeting his half of the monthly bills and such, which he always does, because hello, all of his funds are in checking). Until it’s OUR money, it’s his prerogative and he can put his money wherever he wants.
I am, however, a little worried/concerned because of his lack of active interest in the area. When things DO move forward (marriage, large joint purchases, etc), am I going to have to be the money nag? I am now (since I’m fronting the money, I am usually the one to say “Hey, it’s that time again; let’s go over money stuff”), but when we move forward together, am I going to have to be the one bringing up finances all the time? When is it appropriate for me to ask him about his plans for retirement/other savings? Like I said, in the past, he’s said he “needs to do that,” but hasn’t actually done it. And again, right now, it’s not really my problem…except for the fact that I think about it every so often.
At what point in your relationship do you “need” to sit down and have the money talk? I feel like that point would be when we’re planning to combine our finances, and that for now, if I ask him if he’s going to open that savings account or start putting money away for retirement, I’m just being a nag. I don’t want to push it…since it’s something he says he knows he needs to do, I feel like I should just let him do it in his own time, but I can’t tell if I’m just being non-confrontational. When did YOU all discuss moneys with your honeys?




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