It’s Expensive Being Social

Recently I have been seeing many more friends than I usually do, and while I love and enjoy their company, it’s expensive being social!

Sure, there ways to be social without spending a lot of money. I’ve written about those ways before, as have 99% of personal finance bloggers out there. I love those ideas. Most of these ideas (game nights, potlucks, cooking at home), though, work for once-in-a-while get-togethers. But I argue that it is hard to consistently hang out with friends WITHOUT going out, and thereby spending money.

These past few weeks I have caught up with several friends that I haven’t seen in months. We caught over brunches, lunches, and dinners. We caught up over morning coffees, afternoon teas, and evening sangrias. All of this catching up has resulted in some very unusual spending. I don’t even want to look at my credit card bill right now.

For the most part, I don’t mind. I know as long as I don’t make a habit of spending $500 on food every single month, I will be OK. It is really nice to see friends and enjoy a delicious meal together.

It is really nice to be social. But it’s also expensive.

Have I turned into THAT Friend?

coffee Have I turned into THAT Friend?I put 95% of my non-rent payments on my credit card (and most of the time, I pay my bill on time and in full every month). Yes, that means I am the annoying person who uses a card to buy a $0.59 chocolate at the local bookstore. Today I went to get brunch with a couple of friends, though, and I realized why it’s always helpful to have cash on hand.

My friend paid for our brunch at the restaurant, and I said I would pick up the tab when we go get coffee at the downstairs coffee shop. When we got to the register though, of course there was a giant sign that said CASH ONLY. I was a little embarrassed but my friend very nicely took care of that as well, and told me not to worry about it.

I had a great time, but I just hope they don’t think I’m THAT friend who uses the “no cash” excuse to get free food. ‘Cause nobody likes THAT friend. -_-

I am going to start carrying a little bit of cash now. Especially when we go out to dinner next time.

photo by dailylifeofmojo

From Austin With Like

So I went to Austin for a few days this past weekend. I checked out UT Austin on Friday, then hung out on the weekend. Unfortunately, I didn’t have too much time to see the city, but I did make time for an all-important cupcake tasting at Hey Cupcake (see picture below) on Congress before I had to go to the airport.

Hey Cupcake Trailer From Austin With Like

Based on my very limited view of Austin, I’ve come to the conclusion that I like the place and the people, but I’m not smitten (ducks and covers!), which I had been expecting to be after all the wonderful comments about the city. But I wouldn’t be surprised if like evolves to love if I come to live in Austin for extended periods of time.

The real highlight of the trip was the new friend that I’ve made. She is wonderful, and I am so happy that we met in person and had the chance to hang out for a few days. It still blows my mind that she was willing to take time out of her very busy schedule to help me out with transportation, host me at her apartment, and, just, well, being awesome.

Speaking of apartments, I’ve realize what a low cost of living Austin has. The apartment I stayed in was absolutely GORGEOUS and in a great downtown location. It would’ve gone for $400 to $700 more had it been located in a metropolitan area in California.

One of the really interesting thing I saw was that traffic lights are hung horizontally in Austin instead of vertically as in California. Very cool. icon smile From Austin With Like

Tales From the Friend-ing Jungle: She’s Just Not That Into Me

The difficulty of making friends after college / graduate school has been a popular one recently. Like FB said, making new friends is hard.

Let me tell you a story of my trek into the friend-making jungle, which I think might be even more difficult than the dating scene. There’s the lack of guidelines and the impression that it’s easy for nice people to make friends. Also, there’s no good way to say to someone, “I think you’re pretty cool, and I’d like to hang out with you. Would you like to be friends?” while there’s a totally legitimate way to say “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

A while back, I met a girl, “Leia” through a volunteer organization. Leia was funny and smart and we hit it off pretty well. We had dinner at a great Spanish tapas restaurant. It was a wonderful night – great good, good conversation, plenty of laughter. I remember thinking how exciting it was that I’ve made a cool new friend.

A few weeks after the dinner I emailed Leia to set up another dinner / drinks. But Leia was busy. That’s okay. A few more weeks passed and I suggested something else. Again, Leia said she was busy, and didn’t really offer any alternative time we can meet. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I didn’t get the hint at all. I would touch base with her every month for 3 or 4 months to check if we can get together, and our timing just never worked out.

So several months later, at a used book store, I flipped through a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. Voila – I got it! The signs are all there: She doesn’t want to go to a dinner – check! She never calls me – check! She’s always busy – check!

The conclusion? She’s just not that into me! (I know the book gets mixed reviews, but after that light switch moment I’m convinced of its power).

The realization left me feeling a little bummed, because I really did think we had a great connection and I thought I had found a cool new friend. Oh well. I guess she just didn’t feel the same way. (You can’t get the “let’s just be friends” speech if you don’t even want to be friends).

But at least now I have a funny story to share. Forget about dating and mating, there should more guides on tending and befriending. icon wink Tales From the Friend ing Jungle: Shes Just Not That Into Me Because, as I’ve learned, it’s a jungle out there.

My New York Friend Date

Tonight I had dinner with “Jane” – a friend whom I met as a result of the blogosphere. I began reading her blog about almost 2 years ago and sent her an email saying how much I enjoyed her writing. And somehow we became internet pen pals, trading long emails almost every month (which is a much more committed schedule than chats with some of my friends who live in my area).

Then a while back, we learned each other’s real names, then we exchanged pictures, and now, finally, we have met for the first time, amid the lush ambiance of a SoHo bistro! Some producer should make a movie about our story. It’d just be like a romantic comedy, except it’d be a lot more realistic. icon wink My New York Friend Date  

Jane, who looks Parisan chic (and could be played by Kate Hudson, Brittany Murphy, or Jennifer Aniston in the movie treatment of our story) generously treated me to dinner: bacon-wrapped dates, a delicious crispy duck salad, and a banana and gelato dessert. The whole evening was wonderful - Jane was even cooler in person than I imagined possible. And the night made me think about the intersection of friendship and technology.

Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote in her Little House series that letters, sent in the Fall, may reach their destinations in the Spring (if at all). When families set off for the migration from one state to another, they embrace as if they will never see each other again, because that very well may be the case. The friends you make on the road (like Mr. Edwards) you may never see (or hear from) ever again. People are lost from each other, so easily.  

Now we have Facebook, Twitter, email, texting, telephone, cheap transatlantic airfare, cars and trains. We have almost unlimited ways (short of teleportation and unlimited financial resources) to see our friends. But many times, we don’t.

Of course, sometimes friends grow apart. Sometimes connections drift away. I think that’s fine if it is a conscious decision (i.e. the friendship is unhealthy or if it has just reached its natural end). But many times friendships just fade because of a lack of time or attention. I’ve been guilty of that as well - sometimes it just seems easier not to reach out, not to make an effort. I find that a little sad.

Isn’t it a paradox? The same technology and modernization that push people further and further into their own respective little worlds is also what makes it possible for friendships to start and continue when you are thousands of miles apart.

Treat

I just came back from dinner with a new friend (she was so much fun!!). The food was delicious, the conversation flowing, the laughter contagious. My share was around $30, including tax, tip, and valet.

At my current $110 budget for eating out, I can only afford 3-4 meals like the one I’ve just had per month (I maybe have 2 nice meals a month – gotta save some $$$ for those late night Chipotle runs!). And that’s if I only pay for myself.

Sometimes I wish my budget was accomodating enough that I can just say, “don’t worry, let me get it.” It’s nice to be able to treat a friend to a good meal. I’ve paid for friends before, but quite sparingly. And only when the bill was below $30.

I know I’m not cheap, but I hope that in the future my financial situation will allow me to be a little more generous.